October 1, 2015

thea - two months

Thea my darling, we are two months in to you sweet little life and there is only one way to describe you.


but mom! look at my cute smile!

I suppose I should take that back, you are also insanely adorable.  But girlfriend, I believe you are trying to slowly drive me mad.  More on that in a bit.

Thea is still growing like crazy, but thank goodness she didn't pack on an additional four pounds this month!  She weighed in at 12lb 13oz (91st%) and measured 23.3 inches long (89th%).  Her head measured 38cm, which puts her in the 28th percentile.  Both Ryann and Elsie quickly climbed the growth charts, but not THIS quickly.  I'm impressed.  Also, Miss High Maintenance gets fed a lot to quiet the screaming, so yeah.  Not all that surprised.  She is wearing a size one diaper and 0-3 month clothing.


Sleep and fussiness continue to be our biggest issues.  Miss Thea is rather difficult to get to fall asleep.  Holding her doesn't do it, rocking? Nope.  Car seat?  Not always.  She screams if I try to just lay her down and walk away, she doesn't fall asleep in the swing.  Generally she has to be swaddled and walked around and bounced a ridiculous amount before she'll cave.  Nursing her is the fastest way to get her down, but truthfully that doesn't work all the time either.  And currently I seem to be the only one who can make her fall asleep.  It is exhausting.  Not to mention there is not guarantee she'll actually stay asleep if you try to put her down.  And I can never guess whether I'm going to get 30 minutes or 3 hours when she naps.


As far as the night time sleep is concerned, I can't say it is all bad, but again, ZERO consistency.  One night she'll sleep for a glorious 6.5 hours, eat, and sleep for another 3.5-4 hours.  Heck yes.  The next night she'll wake up every 3.5 hours.  The night after that she'll sleep for 5 hours and then won't go back to sleep for two hours.  And sometimes in the wee hours of the morning she can't stay asleep for more than 45 minutes at a time.  It can be maddening for all of us!  I can't blame Thea for all of this, I say she gives me zero consistency, but honestly it isn't like she has a lot of consistency either.  Every day looks a little bit different, and because she needs to nap so often still, it is hard to coordinate everything.  Then she winds up overtired and screaming.  And eventually all of us are crying because Ryann and Elsie are fighting and Thea isn't sleeping and I don't have a damn clue how to fix it all.

I could go on and on, about it, but I won't.  This too shall pass.  She goes to bed between 8:30-9:30pm.  And she is up for the day between 7-8:30am.  It all just depends!  She is still sleeping swaddled in the rock 'n play in our room.  I can't fathom switching her to the crib because she spits up so much, but I think Chris is 100% ready to reclaim our room, and I can't say that I wouldn't mind her being in her own space.  I just don't want to walk to her room every 45 minutes between 3-7am.


Thea is still rather particular about the car seat.  Slowly but surely she is able to tolerate just being in there a little bit more.  But if she is tired, my word.  I wind up carrying the car seat through stores because she won't fall asleep or stay asleep if it is clicked in to the stroller.  If we're going to take her on a walk I have to put her in the car seat 5-10 minutes before we want to leave and carry it around or rock it so that she is at least drowsy, if not asleep, before we head out, or no dice.  Also no luck with a pacifier.  We've tried at least seven different brands I think.  She still acts like we're shoving poison down her throat.  Crazy baby.

Thankfully for little Miss Thea, she has the cutest damn smile and the sweetest baby coos to keep me from completely losing my mind.  When she smiles at me I can't help but smile back.  And I just love when she 'talks' to me.  I feel like she has so much to say!  Probably repremanding me on my crappy parenting skills, but whatevs.  She gives lots of smiles to her Grammy, and seems to like it when we sing to her.


Thea is incredibly strong.  Sometimes annoyingly so.  At my six week check-up the OB (not my OB because naturally she got called in to a delivery while I was waiting in the room with no pants on, yay) came in and asked if he could hold Thea.  I said sure, but she isn't much fun to hold.  He sort of laughed and picked her up.  10 seconds later, "You're right, she isn't much fun to hold."  She is constantly stiff and arching her back trying to look around.  Or squirming so much you think you're going to drop her.  She never just slumps over and cuddles in.  Today at her two month appointment the doctor held her up to see if she'd bear weight on her legs.  She was able to support her only around her trunk, Thea was able to hold her head upright and support most of her own weight on her legs.  And the nurse (who looked like she was 16, kinda stressed me out) commented that she was very difficult to hold down while she tried to give her FIVE shots.  Poor girl.  I've never heard her cry that hard ever.  For the rest of the day she simply could not be awake.  If she was she was wailing.


Overall this month has been rough.  The smiles are getting us through.  But I can see tidbits of her progressing towards being more of a baby, more interactive, and I know it is going to be so fun.  Thea loves to do tummy time on the boppy while watching Ryann and Elsie play and dance in front of her, I can just tell she is going to really enjoy sitting and watching them often.


I may be doing a lot of complaining right now, but Thea girl I love you so much.  Don't you ever forget it!

September 22, 2015

elsie says

Seriously.  I have got to get better about writing down what Elsie says.  She is such a character and definitely my 'class clown'.  She makes me laugh so much.

Elsie:  "I like you Ryann.  Can I be your fwend?"
well isn't that just the sweetest?  I'm sure she pulled her hair two minutes later...

Me:  "What did you do at school today?"
Elsie:  "Ummmm, my fwends was cryin' cause they wanted their mommies.  But I didn't cry.  Cause mommies always come back."  you go girl!

Oven timer beeps.
Elsie:  exaggerated sigh "Otay oven, I hear ya!"
I've obviously never been annoyed by the oven before.

Upon going in to her room to get her up in the morning.
Elsie:  "I tooted in my bed last week."

It doesn't matter if something happened two minutes ago, two days ago, or two weeks ago, it always happened last week in her world.


September 16, 2015

kids on skates

First.  Ryann picks out her own clothes most of the time.  Just putting that out there.  ;o)

Yesterday Christopher and I (and Thea!) took Ryann to the K-2nd Grade skating party for her school.  We almost didn't go.  I was stressing about bringing Thea or leaving her at home and feeding her and whether or not she would be a screaming mess at either location.  Plus Ryann was incredibly timid about going because she has never skated before.  But we all manned up and went for it.

Walking her in was so bizarre.  It is the same skating rink that all my school parties were held at.  I had flashbacks of waiting by the rink during the dreaded snowball skate, hoping that someone would pick me to skate with, but also panicking at the thought of having to pick a boy after that.  The tween years are so traumatizing.  Haha.

Ryann was adorable when we pulled up.  She got all excited.  "Hey that girl goes to my school!  That boy over there is in my class.  Look she goes to my school too!"  Yes dear.  They all go to your school.  It is a skating party for your school.  :o)  She excitedly pointed out some of her classmates, and was beside herself seeing the neighbor girl and Berkeley there.  And then it was time to get skates.  She had a death grip on my hand.  She was so nervous.  She doesn't take well to things she is worried she'll fail at (I'm sorry about that characteristic darling, you get it from me).  But one of the employees assured me they could tighten the wheels of the skates so they don't roll as fast so that she would have an easier time skating. 

As we rounded the corner I could see the rink.  I swear there were no less than eight kids on the ground at any given time.  That was both reassuring and terrifying at the same time.  We found a spot to sit, got Ry all laced up and told her to try and skate a bit.  One little bitty scoot later she about ate carpet.

say skate!!

Soooo... Christopher went and rented me some skates.  Now when I was in school, I had roller blades.  Because I'm cool like that.  Or something.  But I barely have a dang clue as how to move in regular skates.  I wasn't sure which one of us was going to take the other one down.  Thankfully we both survived.  I never fell, and Ryann only fell twice.  But you better believe that girl did not let go of my hand.  I was worried she'd be upset, having to skate with me, when so many kids were on their own, but she didn't seem to care.  And it was fun, watching kids come up to say hi to her, listening to her little tidbits about other kids in her class.  I truly enjoyed it, and loved getting some one on one time with my big girl.  It doesn't happen often.


Ryann opted out of the limbo and the hokey pokey, and only lasted about 45 minutes overall before she'd had enough.  I think the stress not really knowing how to skate really took it out of her.  So we returned our skates and headed back home.

Until next time Sk8Away, until next time.

September 9, 2015

keeping it real

We're in the trenches over here.  There is simply no denying it.  Instagram makes me feel like I should have it all figured it.  That I should be working out and baking and showering and taking care of my kids and somehow sleeping and keeping a clean house in there too.  I know, I KNOW.  Comparing my days to someone else's pretty edited little squares is stupid.  It's so easy to do.  I know I'm not the only one who is struggling to remember to brush my teeth and make sure my kids have on clean(ish) underwear.

Kid.  Not kids.  Because I've still got two in diapers.

ANYWAY.  So this is real life right now.


It is too many days without showers.  It is carry-out pizza for dinner.  It is stepping over markers and papers and necklaces and giant dinosaurs.  It is pacing my driveway in the dark of the evening to try and make the screaming stop.  It is eating too many peanut m&m's because they help me cope with my feelings (don't even start with me on eating my feelings).  It is dirty clothes on the bathroom floor.  It is unmade beds.  It is a mountain of dishes on the counter.  It is feeling like I'm not taking care of any of my kids as well as I should be.

There are moments when I feel like I can't breathe.  When Thea is screaming because she is hungry but we have to wait for the bus and I don't don't want to whip out a boob in front of the neighbor kids.  And Elsie is crying because she wants different shoes.  And Ryann is crying because I won't let her go in and color a picture for her friend (because the bus is coming any minute and I am NOT driving your butt, sorry kid).  Those moments when they all need me RIGHT NOW and I feel like I can't help any of them.  The weight on my shoulders is so heavy.

But the difference, this time?  I know, without a shadow of a doubt, it will get better.  It was about this age with Elsie that I was feeling the same things.  I wrote this post.  And now whenever things seem really hard, I go back and read it.  It helps me keep everything in perspective, and remind me that I will come out the other side of this season just find.

And also?  This is real life right now too.


It's seeing my oldest love my littlest with all her itty bitty heart.  It's first days of 'school' with great big smiles.  It's an afternoon nap with a baby on my chest.

Every single day there is at least one point where I want to throw in the towel, to cry uncle.  I think I'm not cut out for this whole mommy thing.  But then I say screw it.  Screw the pile of laundry and the chores.  And throw on some Pandora while Elsie and I make muffins and dance around the kitchen.  Forget the make-up and go for a run instead.  I'm celebrating errands where nobody cries and patting myself on the back when we get places on time.  The victories may be small, but they are my small victories and I'm going to be damn proud of them.

September 5, 2015

are you ever done?

This week I decided to sit down and edit the photos from my 'big camera' from the first week after Thea was born.  I've been pretty awful about picking it up, my phone is just too darn convienent.  But I figured I might as well get the few that I had taken off of there.

You guys, I have a five week old.  I'm lucky to get five broken hours of sleep a night.  When Ryann gets home from school and I have all three kiddos in the house by myself it is CHAOS.  Thea doesn't like to sleep if I put her down.  She doesn't like to fall asleep without a fight.  I rarely fix my hair or put on make-up (that isn't that new of a thing, just more regular now).  If my mom isn't around there is bound to be a pile of dishes on the counter.  We pretty much just wear clean laundry out of the baskets because who has time to put it away?  Life is flipping exhausting.

And yet, flipping throw these photos of my itty bitty baby I had tears in my eyes.  I want to hold her brand new tiny self again just one more time.  My heart already aches for another baby.  How the hell is that even possible?  I sit and study Thea and her perfect little face, even when she is screaming at me for the bajillionth hour that day, and I love her so very much.  I'm trying to soak it all in.  A huge lump in my throat thinking she might be our last baby.

How do you make that decision?  How do you decide you're done?  Does that yearning for a new baby ever go away?  The logistics of three kids is already hard to manage.  Not impossible of course.  But hard.  What on Earth would four be like?  I don't feel like our family is incomplete.  But at the same time I can't imagine being done having babies.



September 1, 2015

thea - one month

Oh hello fastest month of my life.  I swear I'm going to wake up tomorrow five years older and not know where all the time went.  I can't believe my littlest is already a month old!  Truthfully my pregnancy and hospital stay seem a million days in the past, but at the same time...


So Thea has been by far our fussiest baby.  She gets overstimulated quite easily, and the only thing that seems to work to calm her down is nursing.  Which is why the kid has gained FOUR FREAKING POUNDS since we were discharged from the hospital.  I am not kidding at all.  When we were discharged Thea weighed 6lbs 5oz.  At her one month appointment today she weighed 10lbs 10oz.  Girlfriend doesn't miss a meal.  She is the same size that Ryann and Elsie were at two months old!  She also measured 22.5 inches long.  They claimed she was 18.5 inches at birth.  So she gained four pounds and four inches in five weeks.  Goodness.  She is now in the 90th percentile for length and 82nd percentile for weight.  Her head has also grown a fair amount, despite the fact that it is only in the 10th percentile.  At her newborn appointment it wasn't even on the growth charts so we'll take it.  And again, her head doesn't look disproportionate so whatever.

I was in denial about how big she was getting, but this weekend I finally caved and packed away the majority of the newborn clothes and opened up the size one diapers.  With the potential of this being my last baby, I feel like I'm being robbed of some of her itty bitty ness.  I know that is silly, I mean heck, there are kiddos born between 9-10 pounds.  But still.  I kinda liked my little nuggets.  Oh well.  The 0-3 clothes and size one diapers are still a little big, but there is simply no wrestling her in to the newborn stuff anymore, aside from dresses anyway.


Despite the fact that she is clearly well fed, Thea is not the easy going magical sleeper third baby I had hoped she would be.  Like I said she seems to get overstimulated and overtired rather quickly, so getting her to fall asleep is a battle.  Once she is asleep it isn't so bad, but at night our longest stretch is still usually 3.5 to 4 hours.  I'm hoping that by two months she'll be giving me at least one five hour stretch.

The poor girl must run really warm, and always wakes up super sweaty, even in just a onesie.  I ended up going out on a limb and ordering an Ollie swaddle, in the hopes that it would keep her cooler and improve night time sleep.  It does seem to help a bit with the heat factor, but isn't quite the miracle swaddle I'd hoped for.  It is my favorite swaddle though.  Thea has managed to get her arms out of it a couple times, but for the most part it is pretty fool proof and easy to use.  I really really really wanted to have Thea sleeping in the cosleeper or her crib to avoid the dreaded transition from the Rock 'n Play.  But she sleeps so much better in the Rock 'n Play.


Besides settling herself to sleep, something else Thea could really get better at is not hating the dang carseat.  Oh man.  I recall my other girls not loving the carseat.  Being kind of ticked off when we put them in it.  But Thea?  She down right hates it.  HATES IT.  With a firey burning passion.  If we're going on a longer car trip she eventually passes out.  But a 10 minute drive?  She screams the entire time.  It is also causing issues with us going on walks and just being out and about in general.  I need to invest in either a wrap or some other sort of a carrier to see if that helps.  But girl, you have two siblings with their own little lives.  You are going to spend time in the car seat.  Please, for everyone's sanity, hate it a little less!


Over the last few days we have gotten a few social smiles here and there, and oh my goodness they are just the best.  She could be driving me totally mad fighting sleep, refusing to take a pacifier for the 9000th time (and gagging on it like we are shoving the most disgusting thing ever in her mouth), and then lock eyes with me and bust out the cutest most adorable gummy smile and I just don't care about anything else any more.  Smiling is quite possibly my favorite baby milestone.  How can you be mad when a baby is smiling at you?  You can't.  You smile a goofy stupid smile back because baby smiles are pure perfection.

Let's see, other random tidbits to include... One of Thea's tear ducts appears to be clogged.  Hopefully it clears up before her first birthday!  She is a spitty baby, but it doesn't seem to bother her.  She is a super loud sleeper, always grunting and snorting.  She loves her sisters.  I mean I know I can't say that for sure, but she tracks them like crazy when they are in her vicinity.  When she is really mad she has this pissed off cough sounding cry that Chris and I just laugh at.  Even though she was never really considered jaundiced, the whites of her eyes are still yellow.  The pedi isn't concerned so I'm trying not to be.


Thea my dear, I truly can't believe you are already a month old.  I love to cuddle you and stare at your sweet face.  I'm so thankful you're in my life.  As much as I want you to stay little I can't wait to watch you grow!

August 28, 2015

this and that

I was on such a roll there, actually posting on the blog.  And then Thea decided to stop being the easiest baby ever and her naps haven't been completely overlapping Elsie's.  And occasionally I have to shower.  Damn personal hygiene.

So bullet points for today.  Yay!

::  I'm pretending Thea is not a month old today.  How the hell did that happen already?  I'm planning to take her monthly photos on the awesome quilt my mom made (TamTam for the win again!) when she wakes up.  Until then, here are a couple from two weeks ago.

headband by Pretty Little Elm

::  Nursing hunger is like 1000x worse for me than pregnancy hunger.  I'm assuming it is the lack of a little human smashing my stomach and making me nauseous all the time.  But I am currently ALWAYS HUNGRY.  Everything sounds good.  I would eat almost anything.  I'm constantly hiding in our pantry snacking.  It's terrible.  I quickly made it down to only six pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight, like 10 days after Thea was born.  Considering the fact that I gained 10 pounds more than I did with the other two, and lost all the weight just as quickly as I did with the first two, I can only conclude I was carrying around 10 pounds of water weight in my legs.  Haha.  But seriously, I probably was.  But nothing has happened since then, and I can only blame my current snacking habits.  I want to make myself eat healthier snacks, but then I'm walking through Target and I'm all brownie batter Oreos, yes please!  For the record, they totally aren't worth it.  Get the Golden Oreo thins.  Way better.  Do indulge in some dark chocolate peanut M&Ms.  Those are way worth it.  ;o)

::  The upside of moving from 1600 square feet to 4600 square feet?  SO MUCH SPACE.  The downside?  SO MUCH SPACE to decorate!  I'm anxious for my house to feel more finished, but we can only buy so much at one time.  And I'm so indecisive that it is taking me forever to pick stuff out.  We still don't have mirrors in our master bathroom.  We've lived here almost two months and have owned the house since November.  Oy.  It'll happen.  In the meantime I'm trying my hardest to get the girls' rooms finished so I can post them on the blog.  I'm getting there!  But oh my gosh I simply cannot decide what color curtains to put in Thea's room.  Suggestions?  Would light pink be bad?

banner by Sharp Tooth Studio

::  We'd probably have more money for furniture if I didn't buy so many hair clips and headbands.  The etsy app is so enticing at 2am...  If there was a support group for headband hoarders I might have to go.

:: We were rather ambitious this weekend (for us) and took on a trip to KC for a few different things.  First up was a birthday party, followed by a trip to Rainbow Play Systems to pick out a new swing set (it's coming next Friday and I'm so damn excited!), and rounded out by a stop at a friend's house to meet their new baby.  Oh throw in there buying Christopher a new truck as well.  We hadn't slept much the night before, and the morning was a little stressful, but once we got to KC things were going alright.  But we were definitely wiped by the end of it.  At one point during the drive home Thea was screaming (I thought babies were supposed to pass out in cars?!?), Elsie's iPad was blaring, and Ryann was way in the back wearing a mini sombrero shaking mini maracas and I couldn't do anything but laugh.  Life with three isn't as terrifying or miserable as I expected it to be, but it sure as hell is crazy.


::  September 1st is next week.  Are you kidding me?  I seriously can't believe how fast time is flying.  But I can't flipping wait to have soup in the crock pot and wear comfy sweat shirts and bake some pumpkin goodies.  Plus that gets us closer to Halloween and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to have three girls to dress and coordinate for the holidays.  We already snagged a couple of Halloween shirts from Target and I'm on the hunt for matching pajamas.  It is so hard to find pajamas in all three sizes though, come on stores.  You're killing my dreams.

That's all my brain can muster on a few hours of sleep.  Adios!