July 9, 2017

twelve weeks | baby five

I haven't been taking pictures mostly because I didn't have a plan or a cute/easy spot to do it in.  But that is lame so bathroom selfie it is. Apparently 5th pregnancy = BELLY

written July 9th

It's been a few weeks, and quite a bit has happened.  Let's see if I can remember every thing I wanted to write down...

I found out one of my best friends who experienced a miscarriage shorty before I did is also pregnant, due just a few days after I am.  I am thrilled for her, and hope that we both have uneventful pregnancies and kiddos who are born around the same time.

I had another appointment with my OB on June 26th.  She was able to easily find the heart beat, and said it sounded wonderful.  In her opinion the pregnancy seems to be progressing without issue, but I still know that doesn't really mean a lot.  But for now, I'll continue to try and take comfort in her confidence.  I've been able to hear the heart beat on my own doppler almost daily since finding it at nine weeks.  I feel slightly neurotic, needing to hear it so often, but at the same time I know it is keeping my overall anxiety at bay.  So until I can feel movement I think I'll continue to listen every other day at minimum.

At about the 10.5 week mark I was standing in the kitchen looking at something on my phone.  Ryann asked me, "Mom, are you standing funny?"  Realizing that I was not sucking in my slightly protruding belly at all I said, "Oh, um, probably," and straightened up.  She notably paused with a slightly defeated look on her face, then said "maybe by Christmas time there will be another baby in your belly."  I hate 'lying' to her, omitting the truth, but I am so scared to hurt her again.  Kids are tough, but I know she still thinks about the loss and her baby sister she didn't get to meet from time to time, and I don't want to put her through that again.

Our early genetic testing came back.  Baby is low risk for genetic abnormalities, and with no surprise to anyone at all, is female.  Another sweet baby girl is growing in my belly.  Part of my heart aches for the son we will never have, and the other part is overflowing with love for our all girl tribe.  Half of me is sad to not have a good excuse to do some baby clothes shopping, and the other half is grateful that my hair bow obsession can continue on with another baby girl.  :)  We haven't really told anyone the sex of the baby.  We plan to share the news with my parents and the girls at the end of the week, and I'm sure my mom will go crazy when she finds out we've known for almost two weeks at that point!

Lastly, as of today I have passed my loss milestone.  Only by a day.  And by no means do I feel confident that we will have a positive outcome, but I think every day will add more hope.  At least I really hope it will.  I yearn to be blissfully pregnant, and not mentally correcting anyone who says something about when this baby is born to if this baby is born.
how far along:  12 weeks (compare to 12 weeks with Elsie, 12 weeks with Thea)

size of baby:  A ripe apricot, about 2 inches long. She has started developing reflexes and is practicing breathing.  Her kidneys have also begun to function.

weight gain:  +3 pounds.  I'm guessing any way.  Last I checked it was almost two, and my appetite has been a whole lot better over the last week or so.  Yikes. 

maternity clothes:  No, but some bottoms are really starting to get uncomfortable around my waist.  I can't find my maternity shorts, so I'm just wearing pajamas as much as possible.  Which I'd probably do anyway.  Lol.

symptoms: Much less queasy than I have been, but it is still there from time to time.  Most often I'm dealing with fatigue and headaches.  I'm trying to take tylenol somewhat regularly to try and keep them at bay.  Overall I still feel much less sick than I did with the miscarriage.

exercise:  I've been horrible with exercise and I feel pretty guilty about it.  I still average just over 10,000 steps a day, but I've barely been running and all strength training has pretty much gone out the window.  I've had little humans awake with me bright and early most mornings, so the easiest thing to do is fill up a snack cup and stick them in the stroller.  If Thea were a little more trustworthy I feel like I could do a video with her around, butttt I'm not in to stopping over and over and over again to pull her off of stuff.

cravings/aversions:  While my appetite is back, I still mostly just want fruit.  Water is hard to choke down and anything too heavy leaves me with a nasty taste in my mouth.  If someone could make me fancy delicious salads all the time I'd very much appreciate it.

movement:  nope.

sleep:  I've been awake in the middle of the night more often, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I'm falling asleep at 8pm, and have gotten several hours of sleep by 2am.  Occasionally I'll take half a unisom so I can sleep straight thru, but for the most part I'm just dealing with it.  

gender:  Per the usual I have no sixth sense on this stuff.  It's a girl!

looking forward to:  Feeling movement.  I'm still struggling to connect with the pregnancy, no matter how much I want to.  I think actually feeling the life inside me will help.

worries:  That we'll share the pregnancy with the girls and suffer a loss shortly after.

best moment this week: Finding out that we're having another girl!  And that the risk of genetic abnormalities are low.

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