power through

Oh.  Hey.

Yep.  I'm still here.  Still running.  Still eating way too much chocolate.  But still running.  It's been a few (oh geez, four?!?) weeks since I've done a Move it Monday post.  Since then I've covered a little over 70 miles, including three double digit runs.  My half is in less than two weeks.  Freaking out a bit?

Um, yes.

I was certain by now that I would be getting much more consistent amounts of sleep.  When I signed up for the half I told myself surely by the time E is eight months old she'll be sleeping at least 10 hours straight.  And yet, here we are, her turning eight months old tomorrow, and between her waking up at night and trying to fit runs in before the sun rises, I'm still lucky to get 5.5 hours of sleep total a night.

Usually I do my long runs on Saturdays, but Chris had to be in by 7am for a 24 shift (blech) so I had to postpone the run until Sunday.  Because no one in their right mind tries to run 10-12 miles before 6:30am.  I still had to work at squeezing the run in though, because I was hosting a baby shower at 11:30am.  Before I went to bed Saturday I crossed everything I could and begged Elsie to sleep until at least 4:30am.  Yeah, she didn't listen.  I about cried when I heard her on the monitor at 3:15am.  Talk about terrible timing.  I knew if I fed her then she'd more than likely be up for the day shortly after 6.  Maybe 6:30 if I was lucky.  I decided to set my alarm for 5am, and hoped I could squeeze an hour of running in, come back and feed her, and head back out for another 45 minutes.  Wouldn't you know as I tried to squeeze past her door at 5:20am, she woke up.

The good news is I didn't have to break up my run (because let's face it, who would want to go back out?  uh, not me).  The bad news is, well, my house has creaky floors and my kids hate sleep.  That is beside the point though.  I got Elsie fed, and made it out the door by 6am.  It was dark.  And cold.  My knee has been bothering me a little.  Pretty much it wasn't all that fun.  But I did it.  My GPS was being a jerk and wouldn't connect, so I just ran for just over 95 minutes and hoped it was 10 miles.  Unfortunately there was no time to rest when I got home.  I needed to eat and shower and feed the baby and get clothes for the toddler and finish the party prep.

I told Chris that running just isn't the same as it used to be.  I'm tired and my body hurts.  I used to really look forward to long run days.  I'd often have a running buddy.  We'd meet between 7 & 8am.  Chris and Ry would go to breakfast and bring me back pancakes before heading out for some more adventures while I showered and lounged a little.  It was great.  Now I have to drag myself out of bed while the majority of the population is still sleeping, including the sun, to run in the dark, by myself.  And when I get home I've got to rush around to get myself ready before we need to do whatever is on the list for the day, or before Chris has to go to work.  It just isn't fun.

BUT.  I power through.  Why?  Sometimes I have no idea.  It'd be a lot easier to not go running.  I keep going though, because I know what running CAN be for me.  It may not be great right now, but when it can be good I don't want to start from scratch.  I'm accepting the fact that how I do on race day is a total crapshoot right now.  Maybe Elsie will be a sweetie and let me sleep as much as possible.  Or maybe she won't.  Maybe my knee will be having a good day.  Or maybe not.  But I'm going to cross that finish line, no matter how long it takes me.  And the atmosphere will only motivate me to keep on keeping on.

It will be fun again some day.

Or eventually I'll stop torturing myself.

One of the two :o).

 

If anyone out there is still writing about their current health and fitness journey, link up your post below!