November 23, 2014

the aftershock

Throughout Elsie's little breathing ordeal earlier this week, I was surprised by how calm I was.  And how much I assumed she'd be fine.  I never panicked.  I never cried.  I trusted the doctors to take care of her and was really at ease for the most part.

It wasn't until Wednesday, when Elsie was taking her nap and I was alone, that the weight of the prior couple of days hit me.  I just started thinking over and over again, what could have happened if I hadn't taken her to the ER.  Chris was scheduled to travel with the men's basketball team that night.  It was a last minute decision for him to run by the imaging center to see us.  Had he not stopped by, I would have taken Elsie home and done my best to give her breathing treatments like the PA had said.  Heck even Chris was hesitant to have me take her to the ER that night.  Her attitude was so perky, she was eating and drinking just fine.  Her breathing just wasn't right.

But what if I had just put her to bed?

I know it isn't good to dwell on things.  I have no idea what would have happened, and it doesn't matter, because I did take her.  I trusted my instincts.  I just can't get it out of the back of my mind, that if I had put her to bed, she may never have woken up.

All the crying and stressing out I didn't do on Monday?  I did it on Wednesday.

People always ask me if I feel better about things such as this, knowing I have a doctor in the house.  And on one side, I do.  I know that he is quite knowledgeable and can take care of our kids.  But there is a flip side.  A)  Through med school and residency he wasn't home all that much.  The parenting and medical care of our children was almost completely in my hands.  Fellowship has been so much easier on us, but as I said above, there are still some days we don't see him.  B) I think I am regularly less inclined to take our kids to the doctor.  I know that there are so many viruses and little sicknesses that nothing can be done for, and I don't want to 'waste' anyone's time.  So something has to be pretty bad for me to want to take them in.

When it comes down to it, I DID take Elsie to the ER.  She is perfectly fine now.  Well, minus a nasty cough that I'm sure will linger for quite some time.  But she is fine.  I'm so incredibly grateful for that.


Love you Elsie girl!


Liz Runningmomma said...

I was amazed reading your post because you seemed so calm. I feel like I quickly jump to worst case scenarios, but it's so important to be calm. I'm so glad Elsie is better! The poor, sweet thing!

Michelle said...

Have you heard of essential oils? They might help you manage and support the kids and your sickness (and a ton of other stuff like tummy aches, headaches, emotional wellbeing). Anyway, I'm so glad Elsie is okay! That sounds super scary but you're right in trusting your instincts! And it's so hard not to think of what could've happened.. I understand. :) do they know why she was having trouble breathing?