September 5, 2015

are you ever done?

This week I decided to sit down and edit the photos from my 'big camera' from the first week after Thea was born.  I've been pretty awful about picking it up, my phone is just too darn convienent.  But I figured I might as well get the few that I had taken off of there.

You guys, I have a five week old.  I'm lucky to get five broken hours of sleep a night.  When Ryann gets home from school and I have all three kiddos in the house by myself it is CHAOS.  Thea doesn't like to sleep if I put her down.  She doesn't like to fall asleep without a fight.  I rarely fix my hair or put on make-up (that isn't that new of a thing, just more regular now).  If my mom isn't around there is bound to be a pile of dishes on the counter.  We pretty much just wear clean laundry out of the baskets because who has time to put it away?  Life is flipping exhausting.

And yet, flipping throw these photos of my itty bitty baby I had tears in my eyes.  I want to hold her brand new tiny self again just one more time.  My heart already aches for another baby.  How the hell is that even possible?  I sit and study Thea and her perfect little face, even when she is screaming at me for the bajillionth hour that day, and I love her so very much.  I'm trying to soak it all in.  A huge lump in my throat thinking she might be our last baby.

How do you make that decision?  How do you decide you're done?  Does that yearning for a new baby ever go away?  The logistics of three kids is already hard to manage.  Not impossible of course.  But hard.  What on Earth would four be like?  I don't feel like our family is incomplete.  But at the same time I can't imagine being done having babies.

Oy.

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7 comments:

Tami said...

Your girls are adorable!!! I'm expecting our second girl in December and I'm ALREADY asking myself the same questions and talking about having our third baby. My womb isn't even empty yet!

Liz Runningmomma said...

Oh my gosh, I feel the same way! I know logically 2 would be easier and less expensive. But my heart aches for another baby and I just don't feel done being pregnant and birthing babies. It's the most amazing experience!!!

Charlotte Photography said...

I could have written this post!!! And Robby keeps saying he only wants two kids! I dream of four kids (and think once we are a little further past the crazy of two 17 months apart I can convince him, too). But part of me (and Robby!) fears that I will be sitting there holding my fourth baby, and longing for a fifth! I swear, those first few hours after meeting your baby are a high like no other (maybe it's the epidural) and I just want that over and over. The cute kid you get to take home after is pretty great, too. :)

Kathryn H. said...

I have a three month old, and can't stop asking myself this. My son is my second. I knew after having my daughter three years ago I wanted two..but I am so unsure about three. I know things would be more challenging and I'd have to get a new car, but I just love babies!

Kelly said...

When you know, you know. Trust me xox

Kate said...

I totally have all those feelings as well. Life is crazy, - busy and wild. I have 4 kids- 5.5, 4, 2 and 5 months. And I still get baby fever when I see a newborn and hear of someone else pregnant. I have no idea if I really want another or could even handle another, but how do you know?

Alisha Jo said...

This is a big issue in our house. With three girls (3 y/o twins, and an almost 15 month old), I don't feel done but my husband says he is. I've known from the beginning that I don't feel done, but I feel like #4 would be it. Weird feeling... Best advice I've received on this topic though-- you will never regret having another child, but you may regret NOT having one.