This week I decided to sit down and edit the photos from my 'big camera' from the first week after Thea was born. I've been pretty awful about picking it up, my phone is just too darn convienent. But I figured I might as well get the few that I had taken off of there.
You guys, I have a five week old. I'm lucky to get five broken hours of sleep a night. When Ryann gets home from school and I have all three kiddos in the house by myself it is CHAOS. Thea doesn't like to sleep if I put her down. She doesn't like to fall asleep without a fight. I rarely fix my hair or put on make-up (that isn't that new of a thing, just more regular now). If my mom isn't around there is bound to be a pile of dishes on the counter. We pretty much just wear clean laundry out of the baskets because who has time to put it away? Life is flipping exhausting.
And yet, flipping throw these photos of my itty bitty baby I had tears in my eyes. I want to hold her brand new tiny self again just one more time. My heart already aches for another baby. How the hell is that even possible? I sit and study Thea and her perfect little face, even when she is screaming at me for the bajillionth hour that day, and I love her so very much. I'm trying to soak it all in. A huge lump in my throat thinking she might be our last baby.
How do you make that decision? How do you decide you're done? Does that yearning for a new baby ever go away? The logistics of three kids is already hard to manage. Not impossible of course. But hard. What on Earth would four be like? I don't feel like our family is incomplete. But at the same time I can't imagine being done having babies.