July 14, 2014

I thought I could fight it.

That evil beast sugar?  I totally thought I could fight it.  And yet, here I sit DYING to stuff my face with ice cream and chocolate and cookie butter and all sorts of terrible (but oh so good) things.

Sometimes I feel so embarrassed that food and eating is such a huge thing in my life.  Something that is constantly in the back of the mind.  It is ridiculous.  Why can't I be one of those crazy people who doesn't have a sweet tooth?  Who doesn't ever feel the need to snack?  This is that time where a Whole30 advocate would say something to the affect of just do another round, you can get a handle on your cravings and issues.  And maybe that is true.  But I am just so tired of thinking about food.

If I haven't set it up well enough for you yet, I didn't last more than five days eating strictly compliant foods.  Basically I went Monday through Friday last week eating compliant, except for a sip of Ryann's Juice Stop because she really wanted me to try it and what is one sip of a smoothie going to do to me?  Saturday we went out to breakfast and I did really good, I ordered an omelet with no cheese and didn't touch the delicious looking pancakes on the table.  There was some deli turkey in  my omelet that I can almost guarantee wasn't compliant, but I just didn't care.  And I added some honey to our chicken marinade because the recipe called for it, and I didn't feel like leaving it out.

Yesterday?  Well, yesterday Chris took Ryann on a little lunch date to Cheesecake Factory (she loves the bread and chocolate milk, she could care less about anything else), and brought home carrot cake and cheese cake.  I decided I wasn't going to pass it up and shared some with him after the girls went to bed.  Because I've only got one life to live and I might as well enjoy the cheesecake.  But now I'm back to GIVE ME FREAKING DESSERT NOW OR I'LL CUT YOU.  Seriously, one dessert and now I'm a lunatic.

Obviously looking back at all that my eating habits really aren't all that bad.  All of my actual meals have been compliant, that doesn't bother me one bit.  Sure some nights I just want to order a pizza, but because I'm lazy and don't feel like cooking.  Not because I actually want pizza.  Finding the right balance seems impossible.  I can't decide what would make me happier, losing a few more pounds or just eating the stupid ice cream.  Maybe I can have both.

My goodness I'm ridiculous.

Still going to try and keep my meals as compliant as possible.  The desserts, well...


Shannon said...

I have the EXACT same battle as you do. It is a battle, even my husband doesn't believe that eating food is an addiction for me. I deal with this on the daily, every meal. I am also a stress eater so I run for the cupboards or fridge if I'm dealing with something. I have found the only solution is to keep it out of the house completely. After going days without the sugar sweets I am much less obsessive. But, I'm the same as you, I refuse to cut these things out completely!

Good luck!

Ash said...

I use to be the same way but after Lilly was born I threw out the scale and never looked back. I realized how amazing my body is. I created life and nurtured that life. The whole time I was pregnant Tyler constantly told me how sexy he thought I was with more curves. That's when I shifted my lifestyle to eating real foods and avoiding harmful chemicals. Plus, raising girls makes me more aware of living a healthy lifestyle because I want to set a good example for them. :) cookies are apart life. You shouldn't feel guilty.

Melissa said...

When you get a chance, read Intuitive Eating. It changed my life. I freaked out a few months ago worried about the food/body messages I'm sending my daughters. I don't remember a time when my mom wasn't doing some sort of diet/eating plan and I refuse for that to be a memory for my girls. I went and talked to a counselor about it and she recommended the book. Could've saved a TON of money had I just read the book first. :)

Kelly said...

I keep wanting to try whole 30 but when I sit down and think about it, those are not lifestyle changes I have any interest in maintaining forever. I know the initial weight loss is great but I don't want to go through life never enjoying a piece of birthday cake or coffee date with friends. You have such a good balance between exercising and watching what you eat. Now you are aware of your food choices and what you are putting in your body. I don't believe in depriving myself of something I want. Sure, I may never be super model skinny...but most of them are miserable anyway!! Life is too short to always be thinking about FOOD! Keep up the great workouts, find something to train for specifically so you keep yourself on track, and just enjoy everything in moderation. Your daughters are going to see a role model who maintains a healthy lifestyle and still can treat herself to something special every once and a while. And isn't that really the most important thing? Keep it up mama. You are doing a great job!

JessF said...

I didn't complete the Whole30 but switched to more of a 90/10 or 80/20 compliant. I'm down almost 10 lbs so far!!!!