That evil beast sugar? I totally thought I could fight it. And yet, here I sit DYING to stuff my face with ice cream and chocolate and cookie butter and all sorts of terrible (but oh so good) things.
Sometimes I feel so embarrassed that food and eating is such a huge thing in my life. Something that is constantly in the back of the mind. It is ridiculous. Why can't I be one of those crazy people who doesn't have a sweet tooth? Who doesn't ever feel the need to snack? This is that time where a Whole30 advocate would say something to the affect of just do another round, you can get a handle on your cravings and issues. And maybe that is true. But I am just so tired of thinking about food.
If I haven't set it up well enough for you yet, I didn't last more than five days eating strictly compliant foods. Basically I went Monday through Friday last week eating compliant, except for a sip of Ryann's Juice Stop because she really wanted me to try it and what is one sip of a smoothie going to do to me? Saturday we went out to breakfast and I did really good, I ordered an omelet with no cheese and didn't touch the delicious looking pancakes on the table. There was some deli turkey in my omelet that I can almost guarantee wasn't compliant, but I just didn't care. And I added some honey to our chicken marinade because the recipe called for it, and I didn't feel like leaving it out.
Yesterday? Well, yesterday Chris took Ryann on a little lunch date to Cheesecake Factory (she loves the bread and chocolate milk, she could care less about anything else), and brought home carrot cake and cheese cake. I decided I wasn't going to pass it up and shared some with him after the girls went to bed. Because I've only got one life to live and I might as well enjoy the cheesecake. But now I'm back to GIVE ME FREAKING DESSERT NOW OR I'LL CUT YOU. Seriously, one dessert and now I'm a lunatic.
Obviously looking back at all that my eating habits really aren't all that bad. All of my actual meals have been compliant, that doesn't bother me one bit. Sure some nights I just want to order a pizza, but because I'm lazy and don't feel like cooking. Not because I actually want pizza. Finding the right balance seems impossible. I can't decide what would make me happier, losing a few more pounds or just eating the stupid ice cream. Maybe I can have both.
My goodness I'm ridiculous.
Still going to try and keep my meals as compliant as possible. The desserts, well...