elsie says

Seriously.  I have got to get better about writing down what Elsie says.  She is such a character and definitely my 'class clown'.  She makes me laugh so much.

Elsie:  "I like you Ryann.  Can I be your fwend?"
well isn't that just the sweetest?  I'm sure she pulled her hair two minutes later...

Me:  "What did you do at school today?"
Elsie:  "Ummmm, my fwends was cryin' cause they wanted their mommies.  But I didn't cry.  Cause mommies always come back."  you go girl!

Oven timer beeps.
Elsie:  exaggerated sigh "Otay oven, I hear ya!"
I've obviously never been annoyed by the oven before.

Upon going in to her room to get her up in the morning.
Elsie:  "I tooted in my bed last week."

It doesn't matter if something happened two minutes ago, two days ago, or two weeks ago, it always happened last week in her world.

kids on skates

First.  Ryann picks out her own clothes most of the time.  Just putting that out there.  ;o)

Yesterday Christopher and I (and Thea!) took Ryann to the K-2nd Grade skating party for her school.  We almost didn't go.  I was stressing about bringing Thea or leaving her at home and feeding her and whether or not she would be a screaming mess at either location.  Plus Ryann was incredibly timid about going because she has never skated before.  But we all manned up and went for it.

Walking her in was so bizarre.  It is the same skating rink that all my school parties were held at.  I had flashbacks of waiting by the rink during the dreaded snowball skate, hoping that someone would pick me to skate with, but also panicking at the thought of having to pick a boy after that.  The tween years are so traumatizing.  Haha.

Ryann was adorable when we pulled up.  She got all excited.  "Hey that girl goes to my school!  That boy over there is in my class.  Look she goes to my school too!"  Yes dear.  They all go to your school.  It is a skating party for your school.  :o)  She excitedly pointed out some of her classmates, and was beside herself seeing the neighbor girl and Berkeley there.  And then it was time to get skates.  She had a death grip on my hand.  She was so nervous.  She doesn't take well to things she is worried she'll fail at (I'm sorry about that characteristic darling, you get it from me).  But one of the employees assured me they could tighten the wheels of the skates so they don't roll as fast so that she would have an easier time skating. 

As we rounded the corner I could see the rink.  I swear there were no less than eight kids on the ground at any given time.  That was both reassuring and terrifying at the same time.  We found a spot to sit, got Ry all laced up and told her to try and skate a bit.  One little bitty scoot later she about ate carpet.

say skate!!

Soooo... Christopher went and rented me some skates.  Now when I was in school, I had roller blades.  Because I'm cool like that.  Or something.  But I barely have a dang clue as how to move in regular skates.  I wasn't sure which one of us was going to take the other one down.  Thankfully we both survived.  I never fell, and Ryann only fell twice.  But you better believe that girl did not let go of my hand.  I was worried she'd be upset, having to skate with me, when so many kids were on their own, but she didn't seem to care.  And it was fun, watching kids come up to say hi to her, listening to her little tidbits about other kids in her class.  I truly enjoyed it, and loved getting some one on one time with my big girl.  It doesn't happen often.

Ryann opted out of the limbo and the hokey pokey, and only lasted about 45 minutes overall before she'd had enough.  I think the stress not really knowing how to skate really took it out of her.  So we returned our skates and headed back home.

Until next time Sk8Away, until next time.

keeping it real

We're in the trenches over here.  There is simply no denying it.  Instagram makes me feel like I should have it all figured it.  That I should be working out and baking and showering and taking care of my kids and somehow sleeping and keeping a clean house in there too.  I know, I KNOW.  Comparing my days to someone else's pretty edited little squares is stupid.  It's so easy to do.  I know I'm not the only one who is struggling to remember to brush my teeth and make sure my kids have on clean(ish) underwear.

Kid.  Not kids.  Because I've still got two in diapers.

ANYWAY.  So this is real life right now.

It is too many days without showers.  It is carry-out pizza for dinner.  It is stepping over markers and papers and necklaces and giant dinosaurs.  It is pacing my driveway in the dark of the evening to try and make the screaming stop.  It is eating too many peanut m&m's because they help me cope with my feelings (don't even start with me on eating my feelings).  It is dirty clothes on the bathroom floor.  It is unmade beds.  It is a mountain of dishes on the counter.  It is feeling like I'm not taking care of any of my kids as well as I should be.

There are moments when I feel like I can't breathe.  When Thea is screaming because she is hungry but we have to wait for the bus and I don't don't want to whip out a boob in front of the neighbor kids.  And Elsie is crying because she wants different shoes.  And Ryann is crying because I won't let her go in and color a picture for her friend (because the bus is coming any minute and I am NOT driving your butt, sorry kid).  Those moments when they all need me RIGHT NOW and I feel like I can't help any of them.  The weight on my shoulders is so heavy.

But the difference, this time?  I know, without a shadow of a doubt, it will get better.  It was about this age with Elsie that I was feeling the same things.  I wrote this post.  And now whenever things seem really hard, I go back and read it.  It helps me keep everything in perspective, and remind me that I will come out the other side of this season just find.

And also?  This is real life right now too.

It's seeing my oldest love my littlest with all her itty bitty heart.  It's first days of 'school' with great big smiles.  It's an afternoon nap with a baby on my chest.

Every single day there is at least one point where I want to throw in the towel, to cry uncle.  I think I'm not cut out for this whole mommy thing.  But then I say screw it.  Screw the pile of laundry and the chores.  And throw on some Pandora while Elsie and I make muffins and dance around the kitchen.  Forget the make-up and go for a run instead.  I'm celebrating errands where nobody cries and patting myself on the back when we get places on time.  The victories may be small, but they are my small victories and I'm going to be damn proud of them.

are you ever done?

This week I decided to sit down and edit the photos from my 'big camera' from the first week after Thea was born.  I've been pretty awful about picking it up, my phone is just too darn convienent.  But I figured I might as well get the few that I had taken off of there.

You guys, I have a five week old.  I'm lucky to get five broken hours of sleep a night.  When Ryann gets home from school and I have all three kiddos in the house by myself it is CHAOS.  Thea doesn't like to sleep if I put her down.  She doesn't like to fall asleep without a fight.  I rarely fix my hair or put on make-up (that isn't that new of a thing, just more regular now).  If my mom isn't around there is bound to be a pile of dishes on the counter.  We pretty much just wear clean laundry out of the baskets because who has time to put it away?  Life is flipping exhausting.

And yet, flipping throw these photos of my itty bitty baby I had tears in my eyes.  I want to hold her brand new tiny self again just one more time.  My heart already aches for another baby.  How the hell is that even possible?  I sit and study Thea and her perfect little face, even when she is screaming at me for the bajillionth hour that day, and I love her so very much.  I'm trying to soak it all in.  A huge lump in my throat thinking she might be our last baby.

How do you make that decision?  How do you decide you're done?  Does that yearning for a new baby ever go away?  The logistics of three kids is already hard to manage.  Not impossible of course.  But hard.  What on Earth would four be like?  I don't feel like our family is incomplete.  But at the same time I can't imagine being done having babies.

Oy.

thea - one month

Oh hello fastest month of my life.  I swear I'm going to wake up tomorrow five years older and not know where all the time went.  I can't believe my littlest is already a month old!  Truthfully my pregnancy and hospital stay seem a million days in the past, but at the same time...

So Thea has been by far our fussiest baby.  She gets overstimulated quite easily, and the only thing that seems to work to calm her down is nursing.  Which is why the kid has gained FOUR FREAKING POUNDS since we were discharged from the hospital.  I am not kidding at all.  When we were discharged Thea weighed 6lbs 5oz.  At her one month appointment today she weighed 10lbs 10oz.  Girlfriend doesn't miss a meal.  She is the same size that Ryann and Elsie were at two months old!  She also measured 22.5 inches long.  They claimed she was 18.5 inches at birth.  So she gained four pounds and four inches in five weeks.  Goodness.  She is now in the 90th percentile for length and 82nd percentile for weight.  Her head has also grown a fair amount, despite the fact that it is only in the 10th percentile.  At her newborn appointment it wasn't even on the growth charts so we'll take it.  And again, her head doesn't look disproportionate so whatever.

I was in denial about how big she was getting, but this weekend I finally caved and packed away the majority of the newborn clothes and opened up the size one diapers.  With the potential of this being my last baby, I feel like I'm being robbed of some of her itty bitty ness.  I know that is silly, I mean heck, there are kiddos born between 9-10 pounds.  But still.  I kinda liked my little nuggets.  Oh well.  The 0-3 clothes and size one diapers are still a little big, but there is simply no wrestling her in to the newborn stuff anymore, aside from dresses anyway.

 

Despite the fact that she is clearly well fed, Thea is not the easy going magical sleeper third baby I had hoped she would be.  Like I said she seems to get overstimulated and overtired rather quickly, so getting her to fall asleep is a battle.  Once she is asleep it isn't so bad, but at night our longest stretch is still usually 3.5 to 4 hours.  I'm hoping that by two months she'll be giving me at least one five hour stretch.

The poor girl must run really warm, and always wakes up super sweaty, even in just a onesie.  I ended up going out on a limb and ordering an Ollie swaddle, in the hopes that it would keep her cooler and improve night time sleep.  It does seem to help a bit with the heat factor, but isn't quite the miracle swaddle I'd hoped for.  It is my favorite swaddle though.  Thea has managed to get her arms out of it a couple times, but for the most part it is pretty fool proof and easy to use.  I really really really wanted to have Thea sleeping in the cosleeper or her crib to avoid the dreaded transition from the Rock 'n Play.  But she sleeps so much better in the Rock 'n Play.

Besides settling herself to sleep, something else Thea could really get better at is not hating the dang carseat.  Oh man.  I recall my other girls not loving the carseat.  Being kind of ticked off when we put them in it.  But Thea?  She down right hates it.  HATES IT.  With a firey burning passion.  If we're going on a longer car trip she eventually passes out.  But a 10 minute drive?  She screams the entire time.  It is also causing issues with us going on walks and just being out and about in general.  I need to invest in either a wrap or some other sort of a carrier to see if that helps.  But girl, you have two siblings with their own little lives.  You are going to spend time in the car seat.  Please, for everyone's sanity, hate it a little less!

Over the last few days we have gotten a few social smiles here and there, and oh my goodness they are just the best.  She could be driving me totally mad fighting sleep, refusing to take a pacifier for the 9000th time (and gagging on it like we are shoving the most disgusting thing ever in her mouth), and then lock eyes with me and bust out the cutest most adorable gummy smile and I just don't care about anything else any more.  Smiling is quite possibly my favorite baby milestone.  How can you be mad when a baby is smiling at you?  You can't.  You smile a goofy stupid smile back because baby smiles are pure perfection.

Let's see, other random tidbits to include... One of Thea's tear ducts appears to be clogged.  Hopefully it clears up before her first birthday!  She is a spitty baby, but it doesn't seem to bother her.  She is a super loud sleeper, always grunting and snorting.  She loves her sisters.  I mean I know I can't say that for sure, but she tracks them like crazy when they are in her vicinity.  When she is really mad she has this pissed off cough sounding cry that Chris and I just laugh at.  Even though she was never really considered jaundiced, the whites of her eyes are still yellow.  The pedi isn't concerned so I'm trying not to be.

Thea my dear, I truly can't believe you are already a month old.  I love to cuddle you and stare at your sweet face.  I'm so thankful you're in my life.  As much as I want you to stay little I can't wait to watch you grow!