for accountability

All my life I have always been slightly overweight.  Always the biggest of my friends.  Genetics didn't serve me well in the metabolism department, and I don't exactly make the healthiest choices all the time either.  (Ok rarely do I make the healthiest choice, let's be honest).  I love food, and I can always come up with a million reasons not to exercise.

When I got pregnant I swore I would be more healthy.  I was growing another human, surely that would be motivation enough.  Miraculously I didn't gain a ton of weight (only 20 pounds, I guess I'm going to thank all day nausea for that one), but I never really made any big changes in how I was eating.  I craved onion rings all the time.  So I ate them.  Hello BK Lounge drive through.  :o).

By two weeks after giving birth, I was three pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight.  I played it off like my body was just awesome like that.  The truth however, might have more to do with what was most likely a small dose of post partum depression, and an even bigger helping of post partum anxiety.  I was so stressed and anxious that I was rarely eating or drinking anything.  I should have talked to my doctor, or Chris, or someone, but I was fearful that everyone would think I was a bad mother.  There is so much more I could say about those first six or so months, but I'm not quite ready to get that deep.  Maybe in the near future, but not right now.

Around the six month mark, I started to feel more confident with my ability to take care of Ryann, and more confident with my life in general.  I am still a very anxious person, I always have been, but a lot of it has seemed to even out.  All of that is great, of course, but since then (thanks to my inactive life style) I have gained fourteen pounds, putting me eleven pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight.  I'm tired of hating the way my body looks and feels.  And I want to be a good example for my daughter.  And there are events coming up in the near future that I don't want to look back on pictures, and hate who I see in myself.

Like I said I have always been a little overweight.  But my sophomore and junior years of college I was very confident in my body, and took pretty good care of it.  I was walking all over the KU campus, working out for at least 90 minutes five days a week, and teaching dance.  I was fairly active.  I know I won't be able to fit all of that in, but it my body image from those couple years are going to serve as my inspiration.

i have no idea why the colors turned out the way they did.  my shirt was NOT that bright of pink.

and if you didn't know I am naturally a blonde.

and those pictures really make me miss my long hair :o(.

Wow.  Seriously can't believe I posted those pictures.  Not sure why but it feels weird to have them on the blog :o).  Especially the one in the dance costume.  Is anyone else giggling?

So my goal is to loose 25 pounds.  Ryann's birthday party is four weeks from yesterday, and I really hope I can loose five by then.  Five pounds in four weeks is absolutely doable.  I just have to stick with it!  That is why I am posting this and linking up to McFatty Monday over at Heir to Blair.  For accountability.

This month Chris is doing a pharmacology (I think) independent study, which allows him to make his own hours.  He is watching Ryann from 7-8:30am for me, so that I can get in a short workout and a shower in the mornings.  It feels great to be in that routine again.  I always worked out and showered in the morning throughout college, it was a schedule that worked well for me.  It seriously feels so good to have that accomplished by 8:30.

Wish me luck!  I really hope I can motivate myself to become a healthier me.