February 28, 2011

for accountability

All my life I have always been slightly overweight.  Always the biggest of my friends.  Genetics didn't serve me well in the metabolism department, and I don't exactly make the healthiest choices all the time either.  (Ok rarely do I make the healthiest choice, let's be honest).  I love food, and I can always come up with a million reasons not to exercise.

When I got pregnant I swore I would be more healthy.  I was growing another human, surely that would be motivation enough.  Miraculously I didn't gain a ton of weight (only 20 pounds, I guess I'm going to thank all day nausea for that one), but I never really made any big changes in how I was eating.  I craved onion rings all the time.  So I ate them.  Hello BK Lounge drive through.  :o).

By two weeks after giving birth, I was three pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight.  I played it off like my body was just awesome like that.  The truth however, might have more to do with what was most likely a small dose of post partum depression, and an even bigger helping of post partum anxiety.  I was so stressed and anxious that I was rarely eating or drinking anything.  I should have talked to my doctor, or Chris, or someone, but I was fearful that everyone would think I was a bad mother.  There is so much more I could say about those first six or so months, but I'm not quite ready to get that deep.  Maybe in the near future, but not right now.

Around the six month mark, I started to feel more confident with my ability to take care of Ryann, and more confident with my life in general.  I am still a very anxious person, I always have been, but a lot of it has seemed to even out.  All of that is great, of course, but since then (thanks to my inactive life style) I have gained fourteen pounds, putting me eleven pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight.  I'm tired of hating the way my body looks and feels.  And I want to be a good example for my daughter.  And there are events coming up in the near future that I don't want to look back on pictures, and hate who I see in myself.

Like I said I have always been a little overweight.  But my sophomore and junior years of college I was very confident in my body, and took pretty good care of it.  I was walking all over the KU campus, working out for at least 90 minutes five days a week, and teaching dance.  I was fairly active.  I know I won't be able to fit all of that in, but it my body image from those couple years are going to serve as my inspiration.

i have no idea why the colors turned out the way they did.  my shirt was NOT that bright of pink.
and if you didn't know I am naturally a blonde.
and those pictures really make me miss my long hair :o(.

Wow.  Seriously can't believe I posted those pictures.  Not sure why but it feels weird to have them on the blog :o).  Especially the one in the dance costume.  Is anyone else giggling?

So my goal is to loose 25 pounds.  Ryann's birthday party is four weeks from yesterday, and I really hope I can loose five by then.  Five pounds in four weeks is absolutely doable.  I just have to stick with it!  That is why I am posting this and linking up to McFatty Monday over at Heir to Blair.  For accountability.

This month Chris is doing a pharmacology (I think) independent study, which allows him to make his own hours.  He is watching Ryann from 7-8:30am for me, so that I can get in a short workout and a shower in the mornings.  It feels great to be in that routine again.  I always worked out and showered in the morning throughout college, it was a schedule that worked well for me.  It seriously feels so good to have that accomplished by 8:30.

Wish me luck!  I really hope I can motivate myself to become a healthier me. 


Yarnie said...

Wow a light just went off in my head with your post. LOL. I was wondering why I lost 10 lbs first 3 months after Zoe’s birth. Stress and anxiety (with a tiny dose of PPD)! Like you I got more comfortable with motherhood around the 6 months mark and the pounds came back double. I’m eating the same stuff pre birth but somehow the pounds keep piling up; I’m about 20lbs heavier now compared to pre-pregnancy. I think you just gave me the motivation to do something about it!

Life on the Terrace said...

Great post! I appreciate you writing so honestly about some of the struggles you faced after Ryann was born, and I want you to know you are so not alone with the post partum anxiety. It happened to me as well and something I still struggle with occasionally.

Your morning plan sounds great and also very realistic. Good luck, you will do great! :)

Nicole said...

I'm with you too! Within a few days of my daughter's birth I had only 4 lbs to lose but then, due to lack of time to do anything but care for my daughter and absoluetly no time to exercise, I was about 10 lbs heavier at the end of my maternity leave than pre-pregnancy.

Now that my daughter is 8 months old, I have finally managed to work in exercise again and I use livestrong.com for food journaling and weight tracking. I am definitely less inclined to make bad food choices when I have to write it down!

I'm glad you posted about this even though I'm trying to eat better and am back to exercising I still have only managed to lose 0.5lb in the last month! Clearly, there is still room for some dietary tweaking.

Good luck on your journey!

Nicole said...

Good luck! It is so hard...and having a baby isn't any easier. There is so much to do with the little downtime you do have...like sleep! I've got goals too...to run a half marathon in January so good luck to us both. And I agree, blogging about it helps keep one accountable!

Former Fat Bride said...

I'm with you! I'm working on getting back into the workout routine to lose these final 40pounds. You can do it!

Ash said...

Great post and good luck! I'm sure it was difficult to write this post but there are so many of us out here struggling with the same issues and not many of us wanting to talk about them. You are helping motivate me! Thanks!

Mrs. D said...

Loved this post, Ashley. I admire your honesty & know that you're not the only one that has struggled with PPD & PPA. I've totally been there.

I am SO with you on the motivation thing! I ALWAYS have an excuse to not workout. It's sad, really. You look beautiful in those pictures & you even look beautiful now! But I know, if you don't feel good about yourself, it doesn't really matter what other people say. So, good for you for wanting to get healthy!

p.s. I read your e-mail, totally forgot to reply. BUT thank you for the awesome tips. Would you believe Claire has been napping in her crib for the past 4 days??! yay :)

Joy said...

I'm right there with you! I was overweight when I got pregnant and I've gained close to 40 pounds. I'm due in two weeks, and am planning on really trying to loose weight. I also want to set good example for my child! I'm also a little worried about PPD and PPA, as I'm already treated for both depression and anxiety.

Whitney said...

Get it, sister! I wish we could walk to the rec together and dance to "You're Fit But You Know It" like we used to. I am seriously proud of you and think you are so beautiful (always have!). That will be nice to get active again...you will feel great! And as soon as you reach your goal, we will have a dance party, even if it's just the two of us. :) Love you.

Fire Wife said...

Awesome post. Good luck to you, and know that you definitely were not (and are not) alone in your struggles with PPD. I get it.

Nikki said...

You can do it!

S. Anderson said...

Oh, that is totally the motivation I need to do the same! Thank you.

Ashley said...

Ohh Ash...you can sooo do it! WAHOOOOO!!!

love the pic of your blonde hair!Haven't seen it that light in a long time! You resemble Lorin a lot in that pic :)

Kelly said...

I am on the same boat as you! Finally broke down and joined a local gym since I am hanging onto 20 pounds that I didn't have pre-pregnancy. Unfortunately my son's birthday is this weekend, but I am hoping to make a good dent in my weight loss by the summer! Good luck! Hopefully we can all help hold each other accountable!

Nikki said...

Good Luck. I've found tha blogging about my fitness goals has really helped me stick to them.

Danielle said...

Good luck!!! I worry a lot about how I'm going to lose the weight once this pregnancy is over. Pretty sure I'm going to end up over my orignial goal of not gaining more than 30lbs (I'm already @ 20ish lbs gained with 14 weeks left!) and I can't imagine having that much to lose, even though I've done it before. I've also always been a little overweight and the biggest amongst my friends. I hope I can get motivated like you and hold myself accountable!

Stephanie @ Confessions of a Trophy Wife said...

Go you! I think half the struggle is formulating a plan of action!

What are you planning to do for your workout?