February 1, 2011

you asked, part two

I missed a couple of the short questions... In regards to the bumpers in her crib, Ryann loves to snuggle with them.  Her head always has to be touching them somehow.  I think she likes to feel snuggled up.  And she does use them as a pillow occasionally.  But it doesn't concern me anymore.

Do we do anything organic or homeopathic?
Occasionally we buy stuff in the store that says organic, but I don't worry about it too much.

What program do I use for design work?
Like I mentioned I have the Adobe Creative Suite (CS4) so I use inDesign and illustrator for all of my design stuff.  I'm sorry I don't have any better (or cheaper) suggestions, it is all I have ever used!

What did I take to the hospital when Ryann was born, and what do I wish I had taken?
I definitely speed packed my bag thanks to a sudden unexpected trip to the hospital, but I think I had everything I really needed.  Except for my video camera charger.  Fail.  Battery dead.  I didn't want video of the actual birth, but it would have been nice to have in the hospital.

Let's see, to the hospital I think I brought 2 pairs of comfy shorts, a nursing tank, 3 pairs of underwear, toiletries, make-up, blow dryer, hair brush, cell phone, cell phone charger, camera, camera battery charger, my laptop, and a pillow.  We put a pillow case that we don't usually use on the pillow, in case it got dirty or lost, but I wish I had found a cute pillow case.  It was black, and looked really lame in pictures.  Honestly we live about 10 minutes from the hospital, so I might have forgotten stuff and made Chris go get it, and I have no idea what he brought because he was back and forth between the house.  But he probably wishes we had some more comfortable pillows and blankets for him.  His bed pretty much sucked.   

Do I have any advice for someone who is looking to start a blog to keep family informed?

If it is going to be really personal, and really is just a journal for you and to keep family updated, I would consider making it private.  Sometimes I think people over share on their blog and you never know who is lurking on the internet.  I think I share quite a bit of info, and if you tried I'm sure you could figure out who exactly I am and where I am, but I try not to make it too completely obvious.  I also try not to share when we are going to be out of town until after the fact.  Just my personal preference.  Anyway...

I try to remember that even though I have an audience, this blog is for me.  So I share the photos I want to remember, and the random tidbits of info I don't want to forget.  Gather your precious pictures and thoughts and put them in a post!  You'll thank yourself a couple years from now (probably even a couple months, but hey).

What are your relationship dynamics like with your husband?
I asked Chris this question.  He said awesome.  :o)  But really, we are both pretty laid back (him more so than me) and we are both big dorks.  We are goofy a lot.  He takes extremely good care of me.  90% of the time I feel like I don't deserve such a good guy.  I can't believe he puts up with me!  I think we are a really great team.  We have the same morals and a lot of the same goals in life.

If I could describe our relationship in one word, I would use comfortable.  Some people might throw that in a negative light, but being with Christopher is like putting on your favorite pair of sweats and snuggling on the couch.  It just feels good.

Have the things you and your husband fight about changed since Ryann was born?
Honestly we never really 'fight' much.  We are both pretty passive aggressive, so things never seem to escalate.  And if we take a few minutes both of us are good at getting over whatever the argument is about.  We have never really had conflicting opinions on big issues, so the fights we do have are pretty worthless.

I will say, with me being home now I get on him about messes in the house, and I have no doubt it gets irritating.  Because lots of time my behavior seems contradicting.  I get mad because he left his dishes on the counter, but then I'll leave mine.  Drives him nuts.  My thought?  I don't want to have to clean up after him.  If is my mess I know it will clean it up eventually, his mess just stares at me until I get it done (even if he would have done it later) and that irritates me.  The other stuff we argue about has to do with my slightly obsessive compulsive behaviors.  But that is a whole different can of worms.  For the record, I think Chris sucks at loading the dishwasher :o).

Ok, now on to Chris being a med student, me being a stay at home mom, how we came to this decision and make it all work.
Chris is in his fourth year of medical school.  For anyone married to/dating/living with a medical student, I feel you.  It isn't easy.  The first two years they are CONSTANTLY studying, and the day is never done.  Even if Chris only had lecture until noon, he was studying until 11pm or later, sometimes only stopping to eat.  He could usually give me maybe two hours of his day.  Third year wasn't much better for me at all.  Not only was he in clinical rotations (longer hours) he still had lots of studying to do when he came home.  So when he was at the hospital from 7-7, he came home, ate a quick meal, and studied until 11 or 12.

He was able to make time for me here and there, and even though it wasn't as much as I wanted, we were able to have a relationship and start a family.  It was never ideal.  Chris wasn't home with me the first day Ryann was home from the hospital.  But we made it work and I don't look back on the last few years and remember it being terrible, so it must not have been that bad.

Fourth year has been a dream.  Chris is going in to family medicine, so his interview schedule hasn't been that intense.  He had both September and January off for interviews and studying, and got to spend a lot of time with us.  He doesn't have near as much studying to do this year, so he is able to give Ryann and I a couple of hours each evening.

How are we making it work with me staying at home and Chris in school?  Three things:  student loans, our savings account, and my very generous parents.  Is it the ideal way to live?  No.  Do I feel guilty on days when I know I'm not contributing to our finances?  Yes.  But when we had Ryann we knew it would only be a year until Chris was actually making an income.  And the cost of daycare nearly canceled out my income as a preschool teacher.  I probably could have found an in home daycare that was cheaper, but I trusted the people in my center, and couldn't fathom leaving my baby with anyone really.

I'm sorry that doesn't give any helpful information or advice, but it is the truth right now.  We don't go out to dinner a ton.  We don't travel unless we have to, or my parents invite us on vacation (plus my dad flies so much for work, that he always has free tickets on southwest if we need to go somewhere).  We signed up for Netflix so Chris didn't have such a strong desire to buy movies all the time.

We are incredibly lucky that my dad has helped us financially.  He said to me, that he wished his current self could have lent his past self some money, so he is helping us out instead.  I think he understands as well, that we are only going to be in this situation for a short while, and Chris will no doubt be able to support us in the near future.  Until then I will never be able to thank my parents enough for all they do for us.  THANK YOU MOM AND DAD.  I LOVE YOU!

My personal reasons for wanting to be a stay at home mom stem from how I was raised.  My mom was always home with us, and I loved it.  I loved that she was (and is!) always there for me.  She did go back to work for a little while, I believe when I was in elementary school, and I remember hating it.  Sometimes she wasn't home when I got home from school and I remember her being tired and/or stressed out more.  Nothing horrible, but it was noticeable, and I was so happy when she quit working.  I want to be able to be there for Ryann whenever she needs me.  I want to watch her grow and experience her firsts.  Is it tough to stay at home some days?  Absolutely.  We've discussed that my child hates naps.  It is tough to get a break.  But I wouldn't trade it.

I worked in preschool/daycare for 3 years, and I really enjoyed it.  It is so great to have a classroom of kids who love you and look up to you.  And I see the benefit of those children being a structured group setting.  But the kids who got dropped off before I showed up to work at 8:30, and were picked up after I left at 5:30?  I felt so bad for them.  I know that some people have to work, or really love their careers, I completely get that.  But as much fun as we were having, towards the end of the day almost all of those kids just wanted their parents.  I don't want Ryann to spend the majority of her day without me.  I will put her in preschool, or a mother's day out program of some sort.  But I don't want her there more than she is with me.  Unfortunately teaching preschool part time doesn't cover the cost of part time child care.  And the demand for custom designed wedding stationery isn't high in Kansas right now.

If you want to work, or have to work and still want to have a family.  I COMPLETELY support you.  It just wasn't for me right now.

I hope that has answered all the questions you guys asked.  If not, let me know!

Hope everyone is just LOVING (that is 100% sarcastic, I freaking hate the snow) all of the snow if you're getting it.

5 comments:

Nicole said...

Fun read! And my Nora LOVES to snuggle with her bumpers too. At first it really freaked me out --- I would go in and she would be face-planted in the bumper. But she's always fine. They are pretty soft so can't say I blame her!

Kaela said...

I have a question for you! What Etsy seller or where did you get most of Ryanns headbands!?

B Walker said...

Love the details! It's it funny how boys never load the dishwasher right!?!! Lol. You might have said this in a previous post, but when and where are you two looking to move? Are you hoping to stay close or wanting to move away from that cold?

Joshua and Mallory said...

I just had to tell you that I have been reading your blog for awhile and love it! It is nice knowing that I'm not the only one with a non-napper for a baby and a husband who thinks its a double standard that I lecture him on his messes, but have my own. I'm definitely going to show him I'm not alone :)

Dani @ OK, Dani said...

OK, I read your blog daily...it's a staple in my life like coffee (which i'm usually drinking as I read your blog) and I think I've only commented once. Here's to comment number 2! wahoo!

I just have to thank you for posting about the SAHM/wife of a med student life. It's really interesting to hear other women going through what's coming my way.

My hubby is finishing up undergrad now (graduates in december) and will be going to med school beginning next year. Due to my age and the size of family we want we are starting to try for baby #1 later this year, and I currently work outside the home though being a WAHM/SAHM is our dream/goal. I am SO NERVOUS about what to expect with our huge lifestyle changes coming up. We're currently saving like crazy, and of course we will take student loans, but sadly we don't have a generous dad who can help us financially.

What advice would you give a couple in our position? Besides saving like crazy!
Also, any advice or info on the process of getting into med schools? How taxing was that on your hubby/you?

Thanks so much!

xo,
Dani
www.okdani.com