May 15, 2012

i need tequila.

I believe most people would choose wine at the end of a day like today, but personally I'm more of a tequila drinker.  And if you want the truth I'm currently eating my feelings in the form of chocolate frozen yogurt with cashews, white chocolate chips and heart shaped sprinkles.  I probably would have picked a margarita if it wouldn't put me straight to sleep, I need to watch Private Practice.  Obviously.

Today started out not so bad.  Ryann actually slept until 6:20 (as opposed to 5:30).  We played a little, ate breakfast, watched an episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates and got ready to go to the gym.  She fought me a bit on getting dressed, but that is nothing new.  We went to the gym, Ry freaked out because she wanted to go potty there, no big deal.  I worked out.  Picked up a seemingly happy camper and got back in the car.

And then we stopped at FedEx Office to have some paper cut.

Ryann would not listen to me for anything.  Wouldn't stand by me at all.  I was trying to figure out what cuts needed to be made, talk to the guy and control my child all at the same time.  I asked her to come stand by me again.  "NEVER."  So I picked her up and set her on the counter.  She threw her mini magnadoodle she was holding across the store.  I took it.  She cried.  I tried to calm her down with no luck.

At this point I probably should have just left.  But I had to get the paper cut and I didn't want to attempt another trip.  So I tried to get her to play games on my phone by my feet, which is usually my no fail go to when I need her to be quiet and still.  But she just sat there screaming and crying.  I tried to finish explaining to the man what I needed.  Eventually I got her to calm down. 

I have never been so embarrassed in public by her behavior.  And all the while I've got a million things going through my head.  It is my fault she acts like this.  I don't pay enough attention to her.  I don't discipline her correctly.  I don't speak to her properly.  Something I'm doing is just wrong.  Toddlers are tough.  They truly are.  And most likely not much would have changed the situation.  She didn't want to be there and she went about her own way of showing me.  But I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault, and that everyone in the store was judging my abilities as a parent.

On the way home we discussed how we need to listen, why her choices in the store were sad, etc. etc.  She didn't really seem to be taking it to heart, but she was listening.  All seemed well, we had some snack.  Then I told her I needed to change her diaper.  Obviously not something she wanted to do.  Another fit of course.  I let her do her thing, and eventually convinced her to let me change her.  But after I was done she wouldn't let me put her shorts back on.  "I want COMFY PANTS!"  Whatever, I wasn't in the mood for another fight (for the record, I can't find anything uncomfortable about the shorts I had her in).  I told her to pick a pair out of her drawer.

Wouldn't you know she picks a pair of long fleece pants.  I tried to explain that it was hot outside and fleece pants would not be comfortable at all.  She wasn't buying it.  So I settled, she could wear the pants but we weren't going to the park.  Apparently the pants were more important than the park because she merrily skipped to the family room to play with her toys.  Whatever.

We had lunch.  Fought some more about another diaper change.  Fought about the fact that she needed to take a nap.  Finally she was in her crib.

After nap she told me she wanted to play outside.  I said fine as long as she wore shorts.  She agreed.  The next couple of hours were spent playing with chalk and wandering the front yard.  She was a happy camper.  Happily ate her dinner.  She requested to go back outside until bathtime.  We agreed.  But of course when it was time to come in she had a meltdown.  And from there the night pretty much tanked.

We got her in the bath and that was all fine and dandy, but after bath the stalling began.  Read just one more book.  I need to potty.  I need to poop.  I want daddy.  Sing me a song.  Finally I decided enough was enough.  I had completed everything in our routine.  I told her it was time to go to sleep, pried her arms from around my neck, and she wailed.  I gave my sobbing girl one last kiss and closed the door.

I haven't had to listen to her cry like that since we sleep trained her.  It didn't last long, but it was just as horrible, if not more.  Listening to her scream for me was heart wrenching, but I know every time I give in she will just drag it on a little longer.  I'm at a loss.

I've said it time and time again, the good moments with her?  Are SO GOOD.  Ryann can be so incredibly sweet and funny.  But for as much as the fun times are happy and great, the tough moments are equally terrible and hard.  Getting through the next couple of years (or several you know, because hopefully we'll have another, and maybe another and then one of them will turn into a teenager and ohmygawd...) is going to be challenging.

Thankfully her sweet smile can make up for some of the more difficult moments...



All About Aiden... Always! said...

Ashley, all I can say is that you're not alone. I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn't... age 3 might be the death of us ;) but just know that its completely normal and its not your fault. Everything you said I have felt too, its nice just to let it all out. But then I hear another mom tell a story about their kid (although it's horrible to say this) it's nice to know I'm not alone and this too shall pass. Keep your chin up lady.

The "L" in ELF said...

Oh girly, I have those days. Those are the rough ones. Maybe it's something in the weather because Thad had a rough night tonight kills me to listen to him cry, but I know it's not going to help by going back in fifty times. Ugh. The worst.

And then add in the desire/fear/hope/panic at having two - yeah, sometimes I wonder if I'm sane.

The "L" in ELF said...

p.s. I'm eating cake (after dinner and a DQ Blizzard...) AND watching Private Practice. (DVR'd and watched without

Melissa said...

I feel your pain! Highs are high. Lows are reeeallly low. You're an awesome mama! Hang in there. And enjoy your tequila! :)

Oh, and we had a horrible, screaming bedtime too! What gives?

Anonymous said...

I think every mom experiences those store meltdowns, temper tantrums, & all out fighting. My son just turned 1 so I'm not there yet, but I've watched enough kids grow up to know what i'm in for! It will get better, this is just one of those bad days. She wants to test her luck & see how far she can push. Don't give up [or in!], your a great mom & your doing a great job being one to little Ryann!

kagray33 said...

my little one is now 4 and this seems to be a daily battle. Sometimes I feel bad for giving in to her when she is crying because then I am just letting her have her way and it won't teach her to respect me, but sometimes we just have to give in to be SANE! It is nice to know that anyone with kids pretty much goes through the same thing. And it doesn't really get easier, it's just different battles we live through. But you are right, the good times are REALLY good and so worth all the drama. Plus, you have to remember that being a stay at home mom and being with her most is WHY you have these episodes. My little one is EVERYONE's favorite at her school...I get told DAILY how much she she helps, picks up, listens, etc to her teachers. Sometimes I just want to scream and say WHY NOT WITH ME!? But I know it is because I am her #1 care giver and that is just how it is....I am trying to embrace the not so wonderful times and step back and really pick my battles. Does it really matter if she wants to fleece pants when it is hot outside? Eventually she will learn that she did not make the right decision and know that mom has her best interest at heart. Hang in there, you are doing a great job!

bri {collected} said...

It must've been in the air today! I think Ryann and Rilo are similar in that, they are so articulate and smart that they don't seem their age. Today I was reminded that Rilo is most definitely two as she threw a fit in WalMart over who knows what. She is so calm and easy-going and precocious 95% of the time, that I totally forget she's a toddler until days like today. They sure know how to push buttons don't they!

Amber said...

Oh good lord. Those days I can remember. If I'm honest, I have them now that my kids are schoolage. It doesn't get any easier - dealing with the tantrums and behavioral issues. However, the longer you do it I think the more you can take the good with the good and the bad with the bad and leave out the Mommy guilt.

You are right, you did everything you could. You have a routine with her, clear expectations and communicate it in terms she can understand. She's going to test you anyway (that's the part where I always say, AIN'T THAT A KICK IN THE ASS?).

It's tough. But you aren't alone :)

Amy said...

I hear ya sister!! I have a stubborn 2 1/2 year old little girl on my hands too. Hang in there....if we lived in the same town I would have showed up on your doorstep with a margarita, ha!!

Meredith said...

Obviously, you KNOW I understand. Some days are ROUGH.

Erin said...

Seriously every single blogger I follow seems to be having issues with their toddlers lately - so at least you know it's normal. Sure doesn't make it any easier though. Annie had 5 tantrums in 30 minutes before leaving for daycare today. And THANK GOD FOR DAYCARE.

Amber said...

Toddlers are so tough! One day is good but then the bad days seems to be really bad. Hopefully she is better for you and give lots of smiles!

Crazycurls said...

It's soooo hard. No one can prepare you for your seemingly perfect little one turning into a screaming, crying, growling monster. I had to capture it on video because my friend did not believe my daughter was anything but an angel :-P

Megan said...

Check it out...I gave you a blog award. Mostly because *I* love your blog and needed to let everyone else know you're pretty cool :)