Nonetheless, I actually had something I felt like posting about, and both kids are sleeping (for maybe 10 more minutes) so quick, lets write...
Honestly? I can't believe how different taking care of a baby has been this time around. With Ryann, I was beyond stressed out about every little detail. I'm pretty certain I suffered from postpartum anxiety, but in general I was just paranoid that I was going to do something 'wrong'. I couldn't handle letting her out of my sight. I didn't trust anyone but myself to take care of her. The first night we were home from the hospital with Ryann, I laid in bed staring at her, shaking, afraid to go to sleep, because I knew I'd wake up and she would be dead or something.
Miss Elsie Jo, 1 Day Old
This time? Completely different. In the hospital I instantly fell in love with that girl. All I wanted to do was stare at her and soak in every bit of her newborn perfectness. No joke, it was probably like the second time I fed Elsie that I looked at Chris and said, "Oh shit. I suppose we should check her diaper or something, make sure she doesn't need a fresh one." I completely forgot that you know, we needed to change the kid's diaper. I think we were home from the hospital a good three or four days before I remembered that we needed to bathe her. #secondchildsyndrome
With Ryann, I absolutely could not stand hearing her cry. It killed me. Her first sponge bath at home she screamed and screamed... my mom ended up helping Christopher give her a bath, I took a few pictures, and then hid in the bedroom with my hands over my ears so I didn't have to hear her. Elsie hated sponge baths too. When she cried I laughed and told her to toughen up. Now that might be slightly thanks to lack of sleep, but mostly I just know that she is fine. Just because she is crying doesn't mean the world is ending.
I get it. You're hungry. Just a quick outfit pic honey!
Now don't get me wrong, I still don't like hearing either of my babies cry. But now I can easily process the fact that tears do not equal tragedy. I'm not anxious about every squeak and grunt. As long as she is fed, I trust that pretty much everything will be ok with Elsie. She was only five days old when I left her home with my mom to take Ryann to MDO. A big deal? No. But I never would have done that with Ryann. I just couldn't leave her.
Of course I still worry about stuff. Breastfeeding seems to be going great, but it is strange to me to not know exactly how much she is sleeping. And I worry about if my actions now are going to make Elsie a good or bad sleeper (mostly because sleep was always a sore subject in this house when Ryann was a baby, and it still can be). But overall, when it comes to Elsie, I am 100% more relaxed than I was when Ryann was a baby. Craziness.
And the bigger wee one just came barging out of her room. Time to go!