March 1, 2013

it's so different

I really really really didn't want my blog to become neglected after Elsie was born.  For multiple reasons.  One, I want to make sure I'm still documenting as much of our lives as possible.  Not because I think the interwebs really want to read about what we did on this day or that, but because I want my kids to have a peek at what life was like when they were little.  I also get a little sad when bloggers disappear after they have a kid.  Not mad, I mean I completely understand, more so now than ever, but I miss their posts!  Yet here I sit with no saved drafts and no time to blog and I'm sure posting is going to be sparse for a while.  Two kids is kind of time consuming.

Nonetheless, I actually had something I felt like posting about, and both kids are sleeping (for maybe 10 more minutes) so quick, lets write...

Honestly?  I can't believe how different taking care of a baby has been this time around.  With Ryann, I was beyond stressed out about every little detail.  I'm pretty certain I suffered from postpartum anxiety, but in general I was just paranoid that I was going to do something 'wrong'.  I couldn't handle letting her out of my sight.  I didn't trust anyone but myself to take care of her.  The first night we were home from the hospital with Ryann, I laid in bed staring at her, shaking, afraid to go to sleep, because I knew I'd wake up and she would be dead or something.

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Miss Elsie Jo, 1 Day Old

This time?  Completely different.  In the hospital I instantly fell in love with that girl.  All I wanted to do was stare at her and soak in every bit of her newborn perfectness.  No joke, it was probably like the second time I fed Elsie that I looked at Chris and said, "Oh shit.  I suppose we should check her diaper or something, make sure she doesn't need a fresh one."  I completely forgot that you know, we needed to change the kid's diaper.  I think we were home from the hospital a good three or four days before I remembered that we needed to bathe her.  #secondchildsyndrome

With Ryann, I absolutely could not stand hearing her cry.  It killed me.  Her first sponge bath at home she screamed and screamed... my mom ended up helping Christopher give her a bath, I took a few pictures, and then hid in the bedroom with my hands over my ears so I didn't have to hear her.  Elsie hated sponge baths too.  When she cried I laughed and told her to toughen up.  Now that might be slightly thanks to lack of sleep, but mostly I just know that she is fine.  Just because she is crying doesn't mean the world is ending.

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I get it.  You're hungry.  Just a quick outfit pic honey!

Now don't get me wrong, I still don't like hearing either of my babies cry.  But now I can easily process the fact that tears do not equal tragedy.  I'm not anxious about every squeak and grunt.  As long as she is fed, I trust that pretty much everything will be ok with Elsie.  She was only five days old when I left her home with my mom to take Ryann to MDO.  A big deal?  No.  But I never would have done that with Ryann.  I just couldn't leave her.

Of course I still worry about stuff.  Breastfeeding seems to be going great, but it is strange to me to not know exactly how much she is sleeping.  And I worry about if my actions now are going to make Elsie a good or bad sleeper (mostly because sleep was always a sore subject in this house when Ryann was a baby, and it still can be).  But overall, when it comes to Elsie, I am 100% more relaxed than I was when Ryann was a baby.  Craziness.

And the bigger wee one just came barging out of her room.  Time to go!

13 comments:

Mandy@ a sorta fairytale said...

I was much more relaxed with Easton than Bennett. Definitely second child syndrome!! I wonder what it would be like with a 3rd or 4th? (not saying we are having 4 kids.. just wondering!);-)

Amanda said...

I had a very similar experience when my daughter was born. I can't help but fear that it would occur again with a second child, but this post makes me hopeful that I would be able to relax!

Caitlin MidAtlantic said...

For me, parenting two has been harder for sure, since there are two people demanding my time, but definitely so much more relaxed! I know I'll survive this first year, because I've done it before. Knowledge is powerful! Glad Elsie is fitting right in with your little family :)

Ashley@MarriedLane said...

It's so good to hear that you're doing well! My blog definitely died after my second baby was born, and though I've tried to revive it before, it just hasn't happened. Someday, maybe! I was pretty relaxed with my first, but I think with my second I just had more experience that made things go smoother. Plus my son (number 2) is way more chill than my daughter. That helped, too :) We'll see what baby 3 is like this June! Eek!

Kristal said...

Absolutely same here. I call it confidence. :)

I totally forgot to change Miri's diaper when she was first born and she didn't have a bath till she was two WEEKS old! I handle crying better now too. Still gives me some anxiety, but I do tend to be more relaxed about it. I wonder what it'll be like as we keep adding kids to our family??

~e said...

Right there with you :) I left my second at MDO when she was 3-months for 3 hours and I *never* would have left my first alone that young. And our second only got about a bath a month until she was 4 months old. She couldn't move yet, so I figured she wasn't that dirty :) She's still alive! Glad things are going well- the beginning is rough, but it's so worth it (of course)!

dany said...

she is beautiful! have fun adjusting to your new normal. :)

Cari Mooneyham said...

LOL and amen! Clive is a week old and just got his first bath last night...and pretty sure the nurses changed him every time in the hospital because I kept forgetting. Also, Elsie's outfit? OMG. I'm so jealous you got another girl :)

maria said...

Her toes!!! :) So adorable!

Glad to hear things are going so well!

Julie S. said...

I was a total nut with Brayden and WAY more relaxed with Kenley. :) And I am dying over Elsie's outfit! SO cute.

Allison Anderson said...

Love your blog! Saw this today and thought of you: First child eats dirt, you call the doctor. Second child eats dirt, you clean their mouth. Third child eats dirt, you wonder if that counts as lunch! Hang in there! :-)

Danielle said...

This post makes me super hopeful. Your description of yourself with Ryann could have been written about me with my son. Seriously, he will be 2 years old in May and I am just now beginning to calm down in some aspects. I hope that I can take it down a notch when it's time for baby2!

Joi said...

You give me hope. I totally had a screaming infant, baby, and now super high maintenance almost toddler. I thought there was no way in HELL that I'd want another but you make it seem possible. Thanks for that.