finding out

You all have blown me away with all the love and support I received yesterday.  Seriously.  I figured you all would have just given up on me with my pathetic attempt at blogging as of late.  :o)  But obviously many of you had figured out my little secret so maybe you were giving me a pass.  Thanks, I appreciate it.

And yes, I figured there were several of you still over on the bump who might see me posting, since that is where I 'met' a lot of the bloggers I 'know,' but I wasn't sure.  Only a couple of ladies mentioned anything over there, so I figured it was safe.  But whatever, the cat's out of the bag.  And now I can go mad pinning baby and maternity things on pinterest.

Lastly, yes, the blog is going to be very heavy on pregnancy and baby related things in the coming weeks.  But hopefully at some point I'll resume posting about other things as well.  I wouldn't hold your breath though.  Right now napping and scrolling with one hand are about as much as I can muster in my me time.  I do have several weekly pregnancy posts that I'll publish soon, but I plan on back dating them so they fall chronologically on the blog.  I'm sure some of you will get an absurd amount of posts in your reader, but you can deal, right?

***

written June 13th

After seven months of trying, I was pretty much out of optimism and hope.  No, seven months isn't all that long in the grand scheme of things, but with my irregular cycles, I felt like we were just waiting around until we hit the year mark and it was more, acceptable if you will, to go in for testing.  I had made an appointment for June 14th, to discuss with my OB if she thought my running may be impacting my ability to get pregnant (my cycles started ranging from 32-54 days when I started training for my first half marathon), but I didn't plan on doing any invasive tests or anything of the sort until the one year mark.  I just needed reassurance that it wasn't my fault baby #2 wasn't happening for us yet.

The morning of June 12th I got up at 5:30am to go running.  Even though I hadn't been feeling the slightest bit pregnant, the fact that I was pretty sure I was about twelve days past ovulation, combined with the doctor's appointment in a couple of days, curiosity got the best of me.  I went in the master bath, peed in a cup, and dipped my cheapo test strip.  Because you have buy the cheapies once you blow $20+ on pregnancy tests during a 50+ day cycle.  I've gone through SEVERAL test strips since November, and was pretty used to seeing nothing but stark white where the test line was.  So when a line popped up in less than 30 seconds, I had to slap myself a few times to make sure I was really awake and wasn't just seeing things.

At that point I knew I needed to do one thing.  Dip more test strips, duh.  So I tried to awkwardly sneak out of our bedroom with a cup of pee, the already used test strip, my phone and the baby monitor in my hands (all the other tests were in the hall bath).  Chris stirred a bit, so I quickly said something to the likes of "My legs hurt I'm not running this morning GO BACK TO SLEEP."  He likes to sleep so that was enough and he rolled back over.

I managed to get all my crap into the bathroom, and dipped another test strip.  Hello second line.  I was still in disbelief so I dipped a third.  Yep, still positive.  Finally at that point it was time to break out the big guns.  A digital test.  "Pregnant" popped up on the screen in less than a minute.  Honestly?  I didn't know what to think.  Surely four positive tests meant I was pregnant, but I still didn't believe it.  A million emotions were flooding my body all at once.  Shock, excitement, happiness... sheer terror.

At this point Miss Ryann was awake (of course) so I went into her room and told her I had a special shirt for her to put on.  Back in December on day bajillion (like 42, whatever) of a cycle I swore I was pregnant.  I had to be.  So I bought a 'big sister' shirt for Ryann when it was time to tell Chris, but obviously didn't get to use it then.  I didn't really want to tell Ryann what was going on, because let's face it.  That kid is one of the best parrots there is.  She would totally spill the beans to someone before I was ready.  So I just told her it said 'big sister', because she is going to be a big sister someday, and then said nothing else about it after it was on.  I decided to let Christopher sleep a little longer, so Ry and I went out to the family room to play.

Around 6:30am I told Ryann to go back and wake up daddy.  But wouldn't you know he was already in the shower.  And it seemed to be like the longest shower ever.  Finally when I heard him out and about I told her to go get him.  She ran right to him and gave him a big hug.  Then followed him around for five minutes while he finished getting ready.  He didn't seem to notice the shirt.  Finally I couldn't take it anymore and asked him if he'd seen Ry's special shirt.  "Yeah, is it true?"  "Pretty sure it is.  Just check out all my pee sticks in the bathroom."  So he did, and then came back to the kitchen and gave me the biggest hug.  What a punk.  He noticed the shirt right away and didn't say a thing!

I am still in a state of disbelief.  Until I get some sort of confirmation that there is in fact a baby inhabiting my body, I don't think I'll believe it.

***

Oh and to answer a few of the basic questions.  The official due date is February 21st (I'm 12.5 weeks), and yes, we absolutely will be finding out boy or girl.  Chris wants a boy, I'm torn.  I know I want a little boy someday, and want Christopher to have a son, but I would love for Ryann to have a sister close in age.  We haven't scheduled an ultrasound yet, but hopefully I'll get it on the calendar soon!