June 13, 2011

getting noticed

I decided that this week I was going to start the post on a good note.  The most amazing thing happened this past week.  When I got on the scale the day after we returned from Georgia, I was only up .8 pounds.  Yes, that is a gain, but I gained less than a freaking pound!  And come on, with traveling and the kind of food I was eating, that was most likely just water weight.  That gave me the confidence that I can indeed make decent choices, allow myself to indulge a little bit, and not go completely off course.

The even better part?  That was Wednesday.  As of this morning, I am down another 2.6 pounds.  My total weight loss to date is 26.4 pounds.  Honestly?  That is blowing my mind.  I still can't believe I am actually successfully doing this.  My BMI is in the normal healthy range, I'm actually starting to think my body looks good, I'm finding a little confidence and power that I think has been missing for a while.

Friends and family around me are really starting to notice all the hard work I've been putting in.  They tell me I look great.  They pat me on the back for sticking with it.  They are surprised that I've only been at this for just over three months.  It feels great to know that everything I've been doing shows.

At the same time I am having a hard time with this attention.  I am proud of what I'm doing for myself, my body, my family... but when someone tells me I look great or that I look like I've lost weight, I get all embarrassed and self conscious.  I either try to change the subject or find a way to get out of the conversation.  If you've given me a compliment or something of the like lately, and I've been really awkward about it, I'm sorry.  I really do appreciate compliments, really.

Some of the attention I've been getting lately, isn't something I want at all though.  Like I've said, my bum would definitely not be described as small, probably not even average.  I have no idea where it came from, even though my mom has hips, she definitely isn't packing the bubble that I've got (sorry mom :o).  When my weight isn't high, my waist is rather small, therefore accentuating the aforementioned bubble butt.  And lets just say it often attracts the attention of an eclectic group of males.  I do my best to own my curves, but sometimes it isn't so easy... 

Saturday morning I went for a run.  I was cooling down and walking back home, when a guy stuck his body halfway out his window and started yelling at me.  I had my headphones in so I couldn't hear exactly what he was saying, but I am 90% sure he wasn't asking for directions, based on the creeper smile smeared across his face.   I was instantly back in college reliving one of the more mortifying moments of my days.  Whitney, you might remember this one...

In college Whitney, aka my 'wifey' (I told Chris if I was a boy I'd totally marry her, she is one of my best friends), were out for a run, or a walk, or most likely a combo.  For some reason we decided to go down Iowa (a relatively busy street in Lawrence).  We were close to a stoplight when a guy started yelling things at me.  I won't write exactly what, but he was definitely commenting on my no so tiny backside.  He was stopped at the light.  We couldn't get anywhere fast.  So I had to listen to him for a minute or more.  I was trying to shake it off, but I was so embarrassed and my self-esteem was quickly plummeting.  We continued on our way, I pretended I was fine.

But I wasn't.  It still hurts.  And Saturday morning I had to do a couple extra laps around the block so I wouldn't be crying when I came home (I know I didn't tell you about it Chris.  I was embarrassed.  I'm sorry.)  I know they are just stupid guys, that I'll never see again in my life, who should have no impact on how I perceive myself.  But stuff like that really stings.  And really makes me want to eat my feelings, in the form of lots and lots of chocolate.

Oy... I'm not really sure how to bring this post back to a positive one.  I guess I just needed a little online therapy session.  Whats new right?  Thank you again, to all my friends, family, and you guys for your support.  You keep me going!

Linking up with Heir to Blair :o).

10 comments:

Larkraven said...

I normally don't comment on the blogs that I follow, but this post really struck a nerve and I felt that I needed to comment and send you some encouragement. First I want to say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your butt! It always amazes me when I listen to individuals speak about this particular "defect" in themselves. I attend weight watchers and this is a common complaint among women who attend meetings. And I always say who says that a skinny butt is cute!...lol. Some of the most beautiful women in the world have large bottoms and they are proud of them. Women like J-Lo, Beyonce, Jennifer Hudson (lol.. large and small), Shakira and the list goes on and on. I would die to have your waist line... Just remember that the people who matter love you and the rest are just horny little boys who wish their girlfriends looked like you! Be encouraged.. Your are beautiful just the way you are.

Cherie said...

Like the last commenter, I don't normally comment on blogs, but I had to after reading this. I've never had a guy yell rude things at me, but I have been whistled at and I know how embarrassed it made me feel. Some guys are just so immature that instead of complimenting a woman they find attractive they do something rude like whistling or yelling. Sorry this happened to you. You are beautiful! and congrats on your weight loss. You have inspired me to start the C25K program!

Hanna said...

Every time we see you guys I am in awe of the progress you've made. I can't believe that you were pregnant just over a year ago! I agree with the posts above, the only reason that you get noticed is because they like what they see, even though it is incredibly disrespectful, in poor taste and just plain rude. Congrats again on your accomplishments!

Nikki said...

I just want to say that I share in your problem. I too battle a large rump and having a baby made it even bigger it seems. But you're doing such a great job at getting in chape, pretty soon you'll love what you have!

Whitney said...

I do remember that, dear friend. And part of that memory is how much I admired your strength and tact. I was shocked and fuming and you were gracefully holding your head high. (Because of that jerk, I shot Jesse a death glare when he honked at us one time, before I realized it was him.) I know it is hard to ignore that attention, but you are worth much more than that. Do not put your identity in people who disrespect you. You are wonderful! Love you, sugardaddy. :)

Anonymous said...

i have the exact opposite problem as you...i have no bum whatsoever!! like when i sit on my husband lap the bones stick out and hurt him...
so i envy you and admire you..i envy that you have a bum and admire that you have the strength to walk away from bad comments and to persue a goal...

besides, your husband likes your behind, so enjoy it and show it!

jael

Heir to Blair said...

You are doing AWESOME.

& as a gal of the flat-butt pancake phenom (no matter how large my hips get!), I am totally jealous of anyone with a cute booty.

The "L" in ELF said...

Um, yeah...I went running a couple weeks ago. I was wearing really large baggy clothes (still can't wear my pre-baby clothes well and refuse to buy more - oh and I've lost 69 lbs.) and two asshole guys drove by in a pickup and one flicked a cigarette at me. Seriously!?!? WTF? I was so pissed, hurt, and emabarrassed. I know how you feel. F*ck em, they obviously have issues.

wallacefamilyblog said...

Congrats on such an amazing journey! You are doing great & don't worry about those crazy guys!

Katie said...

I stumbled across your blog a while ago, and am not usually one to comment, but I just want to say thank you. I had my first little one 8 months ago and dropped almost all of my baby weight (gained 40 lbs, was already up 10 lbs from my wedding) within 3 months, but have now gained some of it back. You've really given me the motivation to start the C25K program and get myself back into shape and hopefully drop this extra weight. Thanks for your honesty throughout this process and good luck as you continue!