May 23, 2011

hanging on by a thread

Well, this past week wasn't my best.  As of Friday I had only lost four ounces.  And Chris's graduation party was Saturday (I enjoyed some DELICIOUS food), and now we are at my parent's house until tomorrow.  Which generally means little to no weight loss, because I can't say no to the delicious food my mom cooks.  Not that the food she cooks is super unhealthy or anything, I just eat more of it than I should.  Nonetheless I'm assuming that if I weighed in this morning it would have been a gain.  So I'm a little bit thankful that I am without my scale until Wednesday morning.

I'm getting so burnt out on what I'm eating, and my workouts.  I'm trying not to.  I'm trying to change things up.  But I'm a creature of habit.  This is getting really tough.  I know I can't give up.  I want so badly to reach my goal, and honestly want to go past it.  11 pounds left to my first goal, 21 pounds left my dream goal.

But that is another problem I'm having.  When am I going to feel like it is good enough?  You all have been amazing with your sweet comments.  It helps me be able to hold my head a little higher.  And I am starting to see the positive changes in my body.  But then I have a slightly rough week, or a catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror at a bad angle, and all that self-confidence goes right out the window.  I know I need to work on loving my body, but for some reason I feel like I'll never be truly happy with it.  I feel like this will ALWAYS be a struggle. 

On a positive note, I have done some shopping in the last few days.  And gotten some pretty cute clothes.  Hello size 8 shorts!  Oh how I've missed the single digits on my tags.  Some stuff I still need to wear a 10, and honestly some stuff I tried on a 10 was still too tight.  I know it shouldn't be about the number on the tag, but knowing that there are some 8's out there that work for me?  That feels good.

Does anyone else feel like I ramble a ton on Mondays?  I do.  This whole weight loss/body image stuff just makes my brain churn and I can't produce straight thoughts.  Sorry about that.  Ok...

I have to buckle down and have a good week.  I'm determined.  We are going on vacation in nine days and I want to feel good about where I'm at when we go.  Crossing my fingers and lacing up my shoes in hopes of a two pound loss next week!


Faith said...

i think you are doing a great job! we all have those days where we feel like we could have done better ... that is me the last 2 weeks ... but there is always tomorrow to get things going in the right direction again.

hoping this week is a better week for the both of us!

**LMH** said...

You should check out
There are a ton of healthy recipes that are super great and easy!

Serenia Stegner said...

Ummm...just fyi...i will pay 10x on an item if i wear a smaller "size"...

I think it is all about how you "feel" in them and that means if a 10 makes you feel 'eh' and an 8 makes you feel 'va va voom' i would skip the 10!

great job ashley!

Brenna said...

Awe- I think most of us can totally relate!! I know that this weight struggle will forever be one that I have to deal with. Whether is is 75, 25, or 11 lbs that you want to lose- it always stinks!
I do not know what to say to make you feel better but I do hope you feel good about the changes you have made. Plus- I know you inspired me to make changes (namely start the C25K)- and I have inspired 3 friends to start as well. So- you have started something amazing over here in this small town in Germany!!!
Hang in there- there will be good weeks and bad ones- the point is that you do not let those bad weeks/days reverse all you have accomplished!! Hang in there Ashley!!