August 25, 2011

a letter to ryann

My sweet baby Ryann,

I want to still call you baby, you are my baby.  But you aren't such a baby anymore.  Today Daddy and I took you to your first day of 'school', ok just mother's day out (MDO), but we are calling it school.  When I first signed you up, I freaked out a bit.  Why would I want to leave my precious girl with complete strangers for a day?  You didn't need to go there.  What was I thinking?


But then, then I was ok with it.  It would be great for me to have a day to catch up on, well, stuff, everything.  To have a little me time.  And I so badly want you to get to socialize with some other kiddos on a more regular basis.  At the moment you are so timid around other children.  Just one day a week, it would be good just once a week for you to do your thing, and me to do mine.

This morning as we were getting you ready, packing your things in a bag (A wet bag of course, because I haven't gotten you a cute little backpack yet, mommy is a procrastinator.  Sorry!), I started to get really worried again.  What if you hated it?  What if you cried the whole time?  I was so worried you would be miserable.  For years I wanted other mommies and daddies to trust me to take care of their babies, but now that the tables were turned I couldn't imagine how these ladies could possibly take care of you the right way.  I had so many things I wanted to tell them.  That you like this, or that, or you are most comfortable with this, or you hate it if we do that.  But I kept my mouth shut and tried to trust that they would do a great job.  Just like I hoped other parents would trust me.

she obviously wanted nothing to do with us, more interested in everyone and everything else!

We got to school and washed your hands, per classroom instructions.  All kiddos must start the day with clean hands!  :o).  I put your diapers on the shelf.  Your bag by your star.  And then it was time to say goodbye.  You had already started playing, so Daddy and I considered sneaking out, but I wanted a goodbye, I didn't want to just leave you.  So Daddy and I each stole a hug.  You were a bit unsure, you could tell we were leaving.  But you didn't cry.  We told you to just keep playing and we would be back.  Then Daddy and I left, my stomach was all in knots.  I didn't want to leave you.  I missed you the entire time you were there.  

But you know what my sweet little girl?  You rocked it.  You rocked your first day of school.  When we came to get you, your little eyes lit up.  Your teachers said you did great, you were happy and attentive.  Barely a tear at all.  You played with the other kids.  You sang songs.  You counted to 12 for the director of the program, oh my little smarty pants.  You are such a big girl now.


It was hard to leave you there today.  Hard to let you go a little bit.  But I am so so proud of you.  It may just be a one day a week program.  Just a few hours once a week.  But it is just the beginning of a new chapter for us.  You are starting to spread your wings.

Baby girl, I love you so much.



B Walker said...

This is so sweet - She is going to love all these amazing details and memories you captured for her. AMAZING.

Sarah said...

YAY!! So happy to hear she had a good 1st day and that you survived too! Good thing it's only 1 a week or me and the twins might start missing her too!

emily barkemeyer said...

Sounds like you did a fabulous job handling her first day! You know it's harder on Moms than kids. I'll have you know that on Ellen's first day of MDO (2 1/2 hours, once a week) I had to go to one of my friends houses the whole time she was at school. Even having Maggie the whole time, I didn't trust myself not to sit in the paring lot the whole time and cry! So I figured a cup of good coffee with a good friend would do the trick. It kind of helped!

emily anderson said...

ah, sounds like she had fun!